Posted on December 26, 2007 by Rod E. Smith, MSMFT
“I love my husband but he is sending me into an abyss. He’s become more and more jealous, insecure, and needy. He requires sex to maintain any sort of decent mood. I pay the emotional price if I don’t have sex every two or three days. He never admits to being controlling and I don’t [...]
Filed under: Abuse, Anger, Authentic love, Compatibility, Intimidation, Sex matters, Sexual abuse, Sexual compatibility, Toxic Relationships, Voice, Womanhood | Tagged: catch-22, control, Love, Marriage, relationship, sex, unhappy, user | 2 Comments »
Posted on December 1, 2007 by Rod E. Smith, MSMFT
Christians ought to be the most free, most fun loving, joyful people of all, and, when married, ought to be having the very best “wall-socket” (a David Schnarch term) sex on the planet.
Surely, knowing a creative God, being engaged in a dynamic relationship with the very Giver of life, the very source of joy – [...]
Filed under: Attraction, Authentic love, Faith, Family, Friendship, Second marriages, Sex education, Sex matters, Voice, Weddings | Tagged: bible, christians, Family, fun, husband, Love, no sex marriage, Schnarch, sex, wife | 2 Comments »
Posted on October 1, 2007 by Rod E. Smith, MSMFT
“My husband’s venting has gotten out of control and I’m considering a divorce. Talking about it yet it ends up in a fight. When I first met him, there were times I had to put down the phone and take a walk. It drained me. I married him, only to find out this venting was [...]
Filed under: Anger, Authentic love, Betrayal, Dating, Differentiation, Disrespect, Intimidation, Jealousy, Sex matters, Trust, Violence, Voice | Tagged: Anger, husband, Love, Manipulation, Marriage, sex, venting, wife | No Comments »
Posted on August 19, 2007 by Rod E. Smith, MSMFT
To become authentically closer to your lover, and to develop greater intimacy with that person, work conscientiously at your separateness from him or her. This is, I believe, is the most challenging behind-the-scenes issue of every intimate relationship.
“Is it possible to love you without also losing me?” expresses the inevitable tension every close relationship [...]
Filed under: Affairs, Attraction, Authentic love, Boundaries, Communication, Community, Compatibility, Control issues, Dating, Differentiation, Difficult Relationships, Divorce, Faith, Family, Happiness, High maintenance relationships, Insight, Interpersonal intimacy, Listening, Personal growth, Relationships, Second marriages, Sex education, Sex matters, Sexual abuse, Sexual compatibility, Single parenting, Therapeutic Process, Toxic Relationships, Trust, Victims, Voice, Weddings, Young Love | 8 Comments »
Posted on August 9, 2007 by Rod E. Smith, MSMFT
I am marrying a man who will not let his family take care of themselves. He feels very responsible for them and provides for his mother and sisters even though they do not really need his help. It hurts when he puts them ahead of me and I take second place. When I point this [...]
Filed under: Attraction, Authentic love, Differentiation, Difficult Relationships, Interpersonal intimacy, Listening, Love, Sex matters, Space, Trust, Valentines Day, Voice, Weddings | 5 Comments »
Posted on July 22, 2007 by Rod E. Smith, MSMFT
“My marriage is in deep trouble. I am really at my wits end to save it. In addition to some communication problems, my wife also indicated that she gets attracted to stable and successful men, but when she is in the relationship that stable environment smothers her and she wants to run. I do not [...]
Filed under: Attraction, Authentic love, Love, Marriage, Sex matters, Sexual compatibility, Trust, Victims, Voice | 1 Comment »
Posted on May 8, 2007 by Rod E. Smith, MSMFT
“How do I fix a broken relationship?” is the most common theme of letters I receive. Here are a few generic principles to jumpstart the journey of greater health whether the relationship in question survives or not:
1. Don’t focus in “the relationship” but on doing what is healthy and mature for your individual sake. [...]
Filed under: Abuse, Affairs, Alcoholism, Anger, Attraction, Authentic love, Betrayal, Boundaries, Cheating, Coaching, Communication, Community, Compatibility, Control issues, Differentiation, Difficult Relationships, Disrespect, Divorce, Domination, Family, Flirting, Flirts, Forgiveness, Grace, Grief, High maintenance relationships, Intimidation, Jealousy, Listening, Living together, Sex education, Sex matters, Sexual abuse, Sexual compatibility, Single parenting, Stepfather, Stepmother, Teenagers, Therapeutic Process, Victims, Violence, Voice, Young Love | 3 Comments »
Posted on April 11, 2007 by Rod E. Smith, MSMFT
(Please note not all difficult relationships are necessarily also toxic)
Toxic (poisoned) relationships are tiring to say the least. Apart from requiring mounds of energy, they can be filled with threats, unnecessary silence, manipulation, domination and intimidation. Toxic couples often attempt to drown their pain in drinking, drugs and lustful, or vengeful, sexual activity.
Toxicity is [...]
Filed under: Disrespect, Divorce, Domination, High maintenance relationships, Relationships, Sex education, Sex matters, Sexual abuse, Sexual compatibility, Victims, Violence, Voice | 5 Comments »
Posted on March 14, 2007 by Rod E. Smith, MSMFT
Unhealthy patterns occur in relationships when a person …
Does not sufficiently, or successfully, sever and recover from a previous romantic relationship before a new one begins. (Commonly referred to as “rebounding.”)
Embraces a false, or faulty, definition of love.
Gives the relationship an inordinate amount of attention. (This is seen when someone seems to disappear – becomes [...]
Filed under: Affairs, Anger, Anxiety, Attraction, Authentic love, Betrayal, Boundaries, Cheating, Communication, Community, Compatibility, Control issues, Differentiation, Divorce, Domination, Forgiveness, High maintenance relationships, Intimidation, Jealousy, Listening, Long distance relationships, Penis propelled, Personal contact, Pornography, Sex education, Sex matters, Sexual compatibility, Single parenting, Space, Spousal abuse, Therapeutic Process, Toxic Relationships, Victims, Violence, Voice | 1 Comment »
Posted on February 27, 2007 by Rod E. Smith, MSMFT
QUESTION: My girlfriend was very sexually active before we met. Jealousy often rages in me. She won’t tell me about any of her past relationships and it feels to me like she still prefers other men.
ROD’S REPLY: I predict that the more this eats at you, the more you will want to know. The more [...]
Filed under: Abuse, Anxiety, Attraction, Authentic love, Betrayal, Communication, Compatibility, Control issues, Differentiation, Disrespect, Domination, Forgiveness, Past relationships, Penis propelled, Relationships, Sex education, Sex matters, Sexual abuse, Sexual compatibility, Space, Spousal abuse, Therapeutic Process, Toxic Relationships, Triggers, Trust, Victims, Violence | 3 Comments »
