Posted on December 1, 2007 by Rod E. Smith, MSMFT
Christians ought to be the most free, most fun loving, joyful people of all, and, when married, ought to be having the very best “wall-socket” (a David Schnarch term) sex on the planet.
Surely, knowing a creative God, being engaged in a dynamic relationship with the very Giver of life, the very source of joy – [...]
Filed under: Attraction, Authentic love, Faith, Family, Friendship, Second marriages, Sex education, Sex matters, Voice, Weddings | Tagged: bible, christians, Family, fun, husband, Love, no sex marriage, Schnarch, sex, wife | 2 Comments »
Posted on August 19, 2007 by Rod E. Smith, MSMFT
To become authentically closer to your lover, and to develop greater intimacy with that person, work conscientiously at your separateness from him or her. This is, I believe, is the most challenging behind-the-scenes issue of every intimate relationship.
“Is it possible to love you without also losing me?” expresses the inevitable tension every close relationship [...]
Filed under: Affairs, Attraction, Authentic love, Boundaries, Communication, Community, Compatibility, Control issues, Dating, Differentiation, Difficult Relationships, Divorce, Faith, Family, Happiness, High maintenance relationships, Insight, Interpersonal intimacy, Listening, Personal growth, Relationships, Second marriages, Sex education, Sex matters, Sexual abuse, Sexual compatibility, Single parenting, Therapeutic Process, Toxic Relationships, Trust, Victims, Voice, Weddings, Young Love | 8 Comments »
Posted on July 12, 2007 by Rod E. Smith, MSMFT
1. The children’s wants are habitually placed ahead of the needs of the parents.
2. Day-to-day family decisions revolve around the children and their delicate moods and mood swings.
3. There is an anxious cloud hovering over the parents as the reason for being together is no longer love and commitment, but the creation of a perfect [...]
Filed under: Abuse, Adolescence, Authentic love, Children, Difficult Relationships, Growing up, Happiness, Parenting/Children, Sex education | Tagged: Grandparents, loving children and babies, mothers and fathers | 3 Comments »
Posted on May 8, 2007 by Rod E. Smith, MSMFT
“How do I fix a broken relationship?” is the most common theme of letters I receive. Here are a few generic principles to jumpstart the journey of greater health whether the relationship in question survives or not:
1. Don’t focus in “the relationship” but on doing what is healthy and mature for your individual sake. [...]
Filed under: Abuse, Affairs, Alcoholism, Anger, Attraction, Authentic love, Betrayal, Boundaries, Cheating, Coaching, Communication, Community, Compatibility, Control issues, Differentiation, Difficult Relationships, Disrespect, Divorce, Domination, Family, Flirting, Flirts, Forgiveness, Grace, Grief, High maintenance relationships, Intimidation, Jealousy, Listening, Living together, Sex education, Sex matters, Sexual abuse, Sexual compatibility, Single parenting, Stepfather, Stepmother, Teenagers, Therapeutic Process, Victims, Violence, Voice, Young Love | 3 Comments »
Posted on April 11, 2007 by Rod E. Smith, MSMFT
(Please note not all difficult relationships are necessarily also toxic)
Toxic (poisoned) relationships are tiring to say the least. Apart from requiring mounds of energy, they can be filled with threats, unnecessary silence, manipulation, domination and intimidation. Toxic couples often attempt to drown their pain in drinking, drugs and lustful, or vengeful, sexual activity.
Toxicity is [...]
Filed under: Disrespect, Divorce, Domination, High maintenance relationships, Relationships, Sex education, Sex matters, Sexual abuse, Sexual compatibility, Victims, Violence, Voice | 5 Comments »
Posted on March 14, 2007 by Rod E. Smith, MSMFT
Unhealthy patterns occur in relationships when a person …
Does not sufficiently, or successfully, sever and recover from a previous romantic relationship before a new one begins. (Commonly referred to as “rebounding.”)
Embraces a false, or faulty, definition of love.
Gives the relationship an inordinate amount of attention. (This is seen when someone seems to disappear – becomes [...]
Filed under: Affairs, Anger, Anxiety, Attraction, Authentic love, Betrayal, Boundaries, Cheating, Communication, Community, Compatibility, Control issues, Differentiation, Divorce, Domination, Forgiveness, High maintenance relationships, Intimidation, Jealousy, Listening, Long distance relationships, Penis propelled, Personal contact, Pornography, Sex education, Sex matters, Sexual compatibility, Single parenting, Space, Spousal abuse, Therapeutic Process, Toxic Relationships, Victims, Violence, Voice | 1 Comment »
Posted on February 27, 2007 by Rod E. Smith, MSMFT
QUESTION: My girlfriend was very sexually active before we met. Jealousy often rages in me. She won’t tell me about any of her past relationships and it feels to me like she still prefers other men.
ROD’S REPLY: I predict that the more this eats at you, the more you will want to know. The more [...]
Filed under: Abuse, Anxiety, Attraction, Authentic love, Betrayal, Communication, Compatibility, Control issues, Differentiation, Disrespect, Domination, Forgiveness, Past relationships, Penis propelled, Relationships, Sex education, Sex matters, Sexual abuse, Sexual compatibility, Space, Spousal abuse, Therapeutic Process, Toxic Relationships, Triggers, Trust, Victims, Violence | 3 Comments »
Posted on February 2, 2007 by Rod E. Smith, MSMFT
“Please help me! I’m so confused, hurt, depressed and sick to my stomach. My husband and I just had this emotional break down. I cried. He cried. For months I have been trying to get him to tell me what was wrong. We haven’t been making love like we used to. We were all over [...]
Filed under: Attraction, Authentic love, Boundaries, Compatibility, Control issues, Divorce, Re-marriage, Relationships, Sex education, Sex matters, Sexual compatibility, Spousal abuse, Trust, Victims, Voice | 22 Comments »
Posted on August 26, 2006 by Rod E. Smith, MSMFT
Reader’s Question: My boyfriend says we have to have sex to see if we are sexually compatible before he will continue seeing me. What do you think?
Rod’s Answer: What an old and ridiculous line. Move on! Your boyfriend is what I call a “pp” or “penis propelled.” If you really want to assess sexual compatibility [...]
Filed under: Attraction, Authentic love, Interpersonal intimacy, Sex education, Sex matters, Sexual abuse, Toxic Relationships, Victims, Violence | 1 Comment »
Posted on July 12, 2006 by Rod E. Smith, MSMFT
Reader’s Question: My boyfriend says we have to have sex to see if we are sexually compatible before he will continue seeing me. What do you think?
Rod’s Answer: What an old and ridiculous line. Move on! Your boyfriend is what I call a “pp” or “penis propelled.” If you really want to assess sexual [...]
Filed under: Abuse, Affairs, Attraction, Authentic love, Betrayal, Communication, Compatibility, Dating, Disrespect, Family, First date, Flirting, High maintenance relationships, Interpersonal intimacy, Listening, Long distance relationships, Past relationships, Penis propelled, Personal contact, Personal growth, Pornography, Re-marriage, Second marriages, Sex education, Sex matters, Sexual abuse, Sexual compatibility, Space, Toxic Relationships, Victims, Violence, Voice, Weddings, Young Love | 4 Comments »
