1. Resist trying to maneuver (change, enhance, diminish) relationships where you, yourself, are not one of the parties.
2. Play postal service, clearing-house, or think-tank for no one – let others speak, act, and think on their own behalf.
3. Reduce reliance on the need to interpret or discern what you are thinking or feeling or what [...]
Filed under: Differentiation, Difficult Relationships, Recovery, Relationships, Responsive people | Leave a Comment »
Thank you for including me into your life as your therapist. I trust you will find what you are looking for, and more. If you know how I perceive the therapeutic process, what I think and hope to be able to do, you might be better positioned to understand the development of our shared journey. [...]
Filed under: Attraction, Authentic love, Boundaries, Communication, Differentiation, Difficult Relationships, Personal growth, Recovery, Relationships, Responsive people, Schnarch, Second marriages, Toxic Relationships, Voice | Tagged: seeing a therapist | Leave a Comment »
“I will not get in your way. You may work where you choose, worship where you choose, and have all the friends you need and want. If you want to further your education I will do all I can to support you. You are absolutely free and do not require my permission for anything. I [...]
Filed under: Attraction, Authentic love, Boundaries, Communication, Community, Compatibility, Control issues, Differentiation, Difficult Relationships, Faith, Family, Forgiveness, Friendship, Growing up, Happiness, Insight, Interpersonal intimacy, Leadership, Listening, Love, Manipulation, Marriage, Personal growth, Re-marriage, Relationships, Responsive people, Schnarch, Second marriages, Sex education, Sex matters, Sexual compatibility, Toxic Relationships, Voice | 2 Comments »
The essentials of self-care ought to not be underestimated. There is present in many cultures, the belief that self-care is somehow selfish while, of course, the antithesis is ironically true. To neglect self is selfish – a neglected self, even if he or she appears to be selflessly serving others, will spread relational toxicity wherever [...]
Filed under: Differentiation, Difficult Relationships, Education, Family, Relationships, Responsive people | 1 Comment »
I have met parents concerned about the degree of conflict experienced with their children, who then, during the conversation, will openly confess they have no time for a mother or father-in-law, their own parent, or are out of sorts with an adult sibling. When I gently point out that these conflicts are possibly connected, fueling [...]
Filed under: Anger, Anxiety, Betrayal, Blame, Boundaries, Communication, Community, Differentiation, Difficult Relationships, Disrespect, High maintenance relationships, Interpersonal intimacy, Intimidation, Jealousy, Leadership, Relationships, Responsive people, Single parenting, Step parenting, Stepfather, Stepmother, Therapeutic Process, Toxic Relationships, Triangles, Triggers, Trust, Victims, Violence, Voice | Leave a Comment »
What we can learn about FAMILY THERAPY from Jesus and the woman caught in adultery….
(Longer post than usual – it is summer!)
When Jesus, the teachers of the law, the Pharisees and the “woman caught in adultery” are forced together for the well-known encounter recorded in John 8, the interaction illustrates some fundamental concepts of Family [...]
Filed under: Abuse, Anger, Anxiety, Authentic love, Boundaries, Communication, Community, Differentiation, Difficult Relationships, Forgiveness, Grace, Relationships, Responsive people, Schnarch, Therapeutic Process, Toxic Relationships | 2 Comments »
Every person has a voice that is designed for full expression. Some have allowed their voice to be stolen or silenced and might find it necessary to take time to find or re-establish the voice they have chosen to deny or ignore. Thankfully, suppressing a voice seldom kills it. It can usually be found even [...]
Filed under: Differentiation, Difficult Relationships, Growing up, Happiness, Leadership, Listening, Recovery, Relationships, Responsive people, Toxic Relationships, Victims, Violence, Voice, Womanhood | 1 Comment »
You frequently write: “steel yourself” and “hold onto yourself” and “take up your life.” What do you mean?
Your problems cannot be “solved” or “fixed” by reading this or any column. In fact, they will not be “fixed” even if you read this column, watch Dr. Phil daily and visit a therapist on a weekly basis. [...]
Filed under: Alcoholism, Attraction, Authentic love, Boundaries, Cheating, Children, Compatibility, Control issues, Differentiation, Difficult Relationships, Divorce, Domination, Forgiveness, Friendship, Generosity, Grace, Growing up, Happiness, High maintenance relationships, Interpersonal intimacy, Manipulation, Marriage, Marriage and in-laws, Pornography, Re-marriage, Reactivity, Relationships, Responsive people, Schnarch | 2 Comments »
Reactivity in relationships (short-fuse living, attacking, failing to listening, assuming you know what others are saying anyway, harboring damages, gossiping, transmitting unhelpful or damaging information, being sarcastic) usually hurts others and our relationships.
Responsiveness, on the other hand (embracing and listening to what others are saying before responding or acting, allowing the full story to [...]
Filed under: Anxiety, Authentic love, Communication, Differentiation, Difficult Relationships, Interpersonal intimacy, Leadership, Listening, Love, Manipulation, Reactivity, Relationships, Responsive people, Therapeutic Process, Toxic Relationships, Triangles | Leave a Comment »
1. Be aware of the unique, honored position I have in your life, and regard it with the respect it deserves.
2. Hear you, even if you are telling me things I’d rather you not say.
3. Be willing to disagree with you, when, in my estimation, you are wrong, off target, or unfair in your actions [...]
Filed under: Authentic love, Boundaries, Communication, Differentiation, Difficult Relationships, Family, Friendship, Growing up, Happiness, High maintenance relationships, Interpersonal intimacy, Listening, Personal growth, Reactivity, Recovery, Relationships, Responsive people, Teenagers, Victims, Voice, Womanhood, Young Love | Tagged: Family, Friendship, Love, men and women, power of friendships | 2 Comments »
