Difficult Relationships / Rod E. Smith

“My ex-wife still tries to dominate me and interfere in my life. I have moved on and have a new woman. My teenage daughter and I have a very good relationship but whenever my ex-wife is around I am reminded why I divorced her. How do I get her to understand she is divorced and [...]

Filed under: Authentic love, Communication, Differentiation, Difficult Relationships, Divorce, Family, High maintenance relationships, Insight, Interpersonal intimacy | Tagged: boyfriend, Dating, ex, girlfriend, Past relationships, sex | 2 Comments »

Did you hear about the mother who complained her children were always in her hair? Now that her son and daughter are adults she can’t get them to return her phone calls. They are out of much more than her hair.
What about the dad who buried himself in his work just to find some [...]

Filed under: Authentic love, Blended families, Boundaries, Coaching, Communication, Differentiation, Difficult Relationships, Insight, Interpersonal intimacy, Parenting/Children | Tagged: career, father, loneliness, mother, parenting | 2 Comments »

Jealousy serves no useful purpose. Jealous men (in my experience it is often men) have tried to tell me it comes with love.
Nonsense.

Ugliness is never a symptom of love.
Placated (or appeased, or entertained) jealousy won’t dissipate. It will grow, yes grow, and become increasingly demanding.
A woman who allows a lover’s jealousy to “work,” [...]

Filed under: Affairs, Anger, Attraction, Boundaries, Cheating, Control issues, Differentiation, Difficult Relationships, Disrespect, Insight, Interpersonal intimacy, Intimidation, Jealousy, Personal growth, Voice | Tagged: anguish, Family, High maintenance relationships, Jealousy, Love, Manipulation, sex | 7 Comments »

“I married 26 years ago out of a sense of guilt and it has never left. We have had a very difficult marriage and yet we both have a high level of commitment.  I want a healthier relationship but I don’t know how to get it. I know a healthier relationship starts with a healthier [...]

Filed under: Anxiety, Attraction, Authentic love, Betrayal, Boundaries, Compatibility, Control issues, Disrespect, Divorce, Domination, Happiness, Insight, Interpersonal intimacy, Toxic Relationships, Victims | Tagged: Divorce, emotional cripple, growth, help, husband, life, Marriage, wheelchair | No Comments »

I’d suggest that if two or three of the following ring true you might want to get some professional help (or coaching, or peer supervision or whatever is available to you):
1. You think someone has more power over your life than you do.
2. You think your future is not primarily in your hands.
3. You think [...]

Filed under: Abuse, Attraction, Authentic love, Betrayal, Differentiation, Difficult Relationships, Disrespect, High maintenance relationships, Home, Insight, Interpersonal intimacy, Victims, Violence, Voice, Young Love | Tagged: alcohol. love, Anger, control, Domination, freedom, husband, Intimidation, life, Love, Manipulation, Marriage, victim, wife | 1 Comment »

“I am married and have three teenage sons. We are compatible, except in one area that threatens everything. I don’t drink at all and don’t like social situations where there is too much drinking or being around drunk people. He enjoys a ‘party’ or having a few beers a couple of times a week. Very [...]

Filed under: Abuse, Alcoholism, Difficult Relationships, Divorce, Home, Insight, Interpersonal intimacy, Love, Relationships, Teenagers, Victims, Violence, Voice | Tagged: alcohol, Divorce, drunk, famaily, help, husband, mother, son, Voice, wife | 5 Comments »

Healthy people seldom engage in friendships that are more work than necessary, and have little or no problem cutting ties when a friendship becomes over-taxing, overly demanding or draining. Friendship is supposed to be enjoyable and thus, whenever any of the following occur in a friendship, I’d suggest it is time to cut and run. [...]

Filed under: Attraction, Authentic love, Coaching, Communication, Community, Compatibility, Control issues, Differentiation, Difficult Relationships, Faith, Family, Friendship, Insight, Interpersonal intimacy, Jealousy, Meditation, Past relationships, Therapeutic Process, Toxic Relationships, Trust | No Comments »

To become authentically closer to your lover, and to develop greater intimacy with that person, work conscientiously at your separateness from him or her. This is, I believe, is the most challenging behind-the-scenes issue of every intimate relationship.
“Is it possible to love you without also losing me?” expresses the inevitable tension every close relationship [...]

Filed under: Affairs, Attraction, Authentic love, Boundaries, Communication, Community, Compatibility, Control issues, Dating, Differentiation, Difficult Relationships, Divorce, Faith, Family, Happiness, High maintenance relationships, Insight, Interpersonal intimacy, Listening, Personal growth, Relationships, Second marriages, Sex education, Sex matters, Sexual abuse, Sexual compatibility, Single parenting, Therapeutic Process, Toxic Relationships, Trust, Victims, Voice, Weddings, Young Love | 8 Comments »

Reader: My adult son died 9 years ago. I had promised to stay at his side. The day he died, we had a lovely day, chatting, laughing at things on TV, and just being quiet. By evening I was so exhausted that I told him I was going home and would see him in the [...]

Filed under: Forgiveness, Grace, Grief, Insight, Parenting/Children, Recovery, Relationships | 5 Comments »

Some “small” events pay me regular visits even twenty-five years later. I had been on a short holiday in Cape Town, and, on my return, took a dozen rolls of film to the CNA at La Lucia mall for processing.
After a prolonged wait in the line (queue), it was finally my turn at the [...]

Filed under: Authentic love, Forgiveness, Generosity, Growing up, Insight, Personal growth | No Comments »