Difficult Relationships / Rod E. Smith

I find it fascinating that after seven years (I think it has been that long!) of You and Me I still get a stack of mail every day. Thanks. Thanks a lot! Three years ago I had so many readers asking for back issues of the column that I began posting the column on a [...]

Filed under: Differentiation, Difficult Relationships, Home, Toxic Relationships | Tagged: newspaper columns, south africa, the mercury, you and me | 1 Comment »

1/4/08
Rod,
I just wanted to thank you for everything you did for me during my crossroads time spent with you last week. It was such a memorable marker for my life…. a sure turning point for me! I knew that I needed a turning point and you helped facilitate that for me. It was exactly what [...]

Filed under: Communication, Differentiation, Difficult Relationships, Happiness, Home, Voice, Womanhood, healing | Tagged: coming to see you, intentional healing, men, seeking wholeness, therapy, woman | 1 Comment »

“I met a woman a year ago and we are engaged. She very good friends with her ex-husband because neither has other family. Although he is very good to his daughter, and because my fiancé and he are still close, I find it hard to feel appreciated. They are used to having each other to [...]

Filed under: Attraction, Authentic love, Betrayal, Flirting, Forgiveness, Friendship, Happiness, High maintenance relationships, Home, Interpersonal intimacy, Intimidation, Jealousy, Listening, Living together | Tagged: ex, husband, Jealousy, Marriage, wife | 2 Comments »

“I don’t know what to do. My brother (25) and his girlfriend (24) are coming to stay for a few days. They live together (and are not married). My children (boys who are 6 and 7) know they are not married and I don’t know if I should let my brother and his girlfriend stay [...]

Filed under: Double standards, Faith, Family, Growing up, Happiness, Home, In-laws | Tagged: brother, married, sex, sleeping, unmarried, visits, where, who | 2 Comments »

I took on two stepchildren twelve years ago who have become wonderful adults who love all their parents. Here are some things I did to make life easier:

I didn’t take the place of anyone. I took my place.
I didn’t get in the way of their affections for their parents, but expected them to be well [...]

Filed under: Adoption, Attraction, Authentic love, Blended families, Boundaries, Children, Coaching, Communication, Community, Differentiation, Difficult Relationships, Education, Family, High maintenance relationships, Home, Step parenting, Stepfather, Stepmother, Toxic Relationships, Trust, Voice | Tagged: affair, anguish, blended family, emotional, help, husband, mother, relationship hell, step, wife | No Comments »

“My wife spends a lot of time at home because of family commitments and I understand that she needs to circulate with other people. When she does go out she seems to go over the top and stays out late. She doesn’t want to talk to, stating that she knows everything about me. When she [...]

Filed under: Attraction, Authentic love, Betrayal, Boundaries, Communication, Community, Compatibility, Differentiation, Difficult Relationships, Divorce, Domination, Home, Intimidation, Jealousy, Listening, Living together, Manipulation, Marriage, Past relationships, Schnarch, Triggers, Trust, Victims, Violence, Voice | Tagged: better life, Counseling, counselling, future, husband, Marriage, passionate marriage, pre-marriage, Schnarch, wife | 2 Comments »

I’d suggest that if two or three of the following ring true you might want to get some professional help (or coaching, or peer supervision or whatever is available to you):
1. You think someone has more power over your life than you do.
2. You think your future is not primarily in your hands.
3. You think [...]

Filed under: Abuse, Attraction, Authentic love, Betrayal, Differentiation, Difficult Relationships, Disrespect, High maintenance relationships, Home, Insight, Interpersonal intimacy, Victims, Violence, Voice, Young Love | Tagged: alcohol. love, Anger, control, Domination, freedom, husband, Intimidation, life, Love, Manipulation, Marriage, victim, wife | 1 Comment »

“I am married and have three teenage sons. We are compatible, except in one area that threatens everything. I don’t drink at all and don’t like social situations where there is too much drinking or being around drunk people. He enjoys a ‘party’ or having a few beers a couple of times a week. Very [...]

Filed under: Abuse, Alcoholism, Difficult Relationships, Divorce, Home, Insight, Interpersonal intimacy, Love, Relationships, Teenagers, Victims, Violence, Voice | Tagged: alcohol, Divorce, drunk, famaily, help, husband, mother, son, Voice, wife | 5 Comments »

“Three years ago our pre-marriage counselor used a few of your columns to get us talking. I was annoyed because they made our engagement seem so business-like and so un-romantic. It seemed very cold to discuss money when you feel so in love. Now I can see how important it was to talk about money [...]

Filed under: Attraction, Authentic love, Boundaries, Coaching, Communication, Community, Compatibility, Control issues, Differentiation, High maintenance relationships, Home, Listening, Living together, Love, Marriage, Marriage and in-laws, Money, Personal growth, Responsive people, Spousal abuse, Teenagers, Toxic Relationships, Violence, Voice, Weddings | Tagged: better life, Counseling, counselling, future, husband, Marriage, pre-marriage, wife | 1 Comment »

1. My girlfriend’s flirting (with other men) landed me in jail.
2. He must have known I was hungry and yet he did not suggest we have lunch. Does this mean he doesn’t care?
3. She knows I don’t like how she eats and yet she does it anyway.
4. He thinks about other women although he knows [...]

Filed under: Authentic love, Happiness, Home, Humor | No Comments »