Difficult Relationships / Rod E. Smith

When I’m feeling overwhelmed by the pressures of making a living, parenting my children, trying to be a helpful member of my community, I try to preempt any feelings of self-pity by counting my blessings “one by one.” There is great wisdom in the Sunday School standard, “Count your blessings.” Gratitude can change everything. Dark [...]

Filed under: Community, Education, Faith, Family | Tagged: being grateful, counting your blessings | 1 Comment »

Christians ought to be the most free, most fun loving, joyful people of all, and, when married, ought to be having the very best “wall-socket” (a David Schnarch term) sex on the planet.
Surely, knowing a creative God, being engaged in a dynamic relationship with the very Giver of life, the very source of joy – [...]

Filed under: Attraction, Authentic love, Faith, Family, Friendship, Second marriages, Sex education, Sex matters, Voice, Weddings | Tagged: bible, christians, Family, fun, husband, Love, no sex marriage, Schnarch, sex, wife | 2 Comments »

It is in us to love. It’s human. We have the capacity for it. Even hurt and rejected people can love. Once a person accepts that love has more than romantic connotations, as powerful and valid as these of course are, he or she will be able to see its broader power.
Love is unleashed through [...]

Filed under: Anger, Anxiety, Attraction, Authentic love, Betrayal, Boundaries, Cheating, Children, Communication, Community, Compatibility, Control issues, Dads, Differentiation, Difficult Relationships, Double standards, Faith, Family, Generosity, Grace, Growing up, Happiness, High maintenance relationships, Interpersonal intimacy, Listening, Long distance relationships, Love, Marriage, Meditation, Past relationships, Personal growth, Re-marriage, Recovery, Sexual abuse, Sexual compatibility, Therapeutic Process, Toxic Relationships, Triggers, Trust, Victims, Voice, Weddings, Womanhood, Young Love | Tagged: courage, Family, healing, hurt, husband, Love, wife | 4 Comments »

The successful, or enriched woman …..
1. Knows she never has to participate in sexual activity that she does not want; and knows that her body is her own and private temple which she shares, even in marriage, only when it is by her own sacred, deliberate choice.
2. Does not lose herself in her marriage, or [...]

Filed under: Authentic love, Faith, Family, Love, Manipulation, Marriage, Womanhood | Tagged: body, Love, mother, mutuality, respect, sex, truth, wife | 12 Comments »

“I don’t know what to do. My brother (25) and his girlfriend (24) are coming to stay for a few days. They live together (and are not married). My children (boys who are 6 and 7) know they are not married and I don’t know if I should let my brother and his girlfriend stay [...]

Filed under: Double standards, Faith, Family, Growing up, Happiness, Home, In-laws | Tagged: brother, married, sex, sleeping, unmarried, visits, where, who | 2 Comments »

Axioms (observations that are almost always true) for families:
A man or woman who has an open, friendly, respectful, and playful relationship with his or her own parents will seldom have problems with his or her in-laws.
Extra-marital affairs are symptoms of a troubled marriage and not the cause of trouble in a marriage.
The teenager who is [...]

Filed under: Affairs, Anger, Attraction, Authentic love, Boundaries, Cheating, Children, Coaching, Communication, Community, Compatibility, Control issues, Dads, Dating, Domination, Double standards, Education, Faith, Family, Forgiveness, Friendship, Generosity, Happiness, High maintenance relationships, Interpersonal intimacy, Listening, Living together, Long distance relationships, Manipulation, Marriage and in-laws | Tagged: Affairs, disfunction, help, Relationships, sex | 2 Comments »

Healthy people seldom engage in friendships that are more work than necessary, and have little or no problem cutting ties when a friendship becomes over-taxing, overly demanding or draining. Friendship is supposed to be enjoyable and thus, whenever any of the following occur in a friendship, I’d suggest it is time to cut and run. [...]

Filed under: Attraction, Authentic love, Coaching, Communication, Community, Compatibility, Control issues, Differentiation, Difficult Relationships, Faith, Family, Friendship, Insight, Interpersonal intimacy, Jealousy, Meditation, Past relationships, Therapeutic Process, Toxic Relationships, Trust | No Comments »

To become authentically closer to your lover, and to develop greater intimacy with that person, work conscientiously at your separateness from him or her. This is, I believe, is the most challenging behind-the-scenes issue of every intimate relationship.
“Is it possible to love you without also losing me?” expresses the inevitable tension every close relationship [...]

Filed under: Affairs, Attraction, Authentic love, Boundaries, Communication, Community, Compatibility, Control issues, Dating, Differentiation, Difficult Relationships, Divorce, Faith, Family, Happiness, High maintenance relationships, Insight, Interpersonal intimacy, Listening, Personal growth, Relationships, Second marriages, Sex education, Sex matters, Sexual abuse, Sexual compatibility, Single parenting, Therapeutic Process, Toxic Relationships, Trust, Victims, Voice, Weddings, Young Love | 8 Comments »

1. Set career, academic, and health goals for yourself, and then work hard to achieve them.
2. Develop a network of diverse and supportive friends.
3. Challenge your husband to be a mutual, respectful, and equal partner in every aspect of your relationship.
4. Resist any forms of intimacy you do not find pleasing or comfortable.
5. Believe in [...]

Filed under: Communication, Compatibility, Control issues, Divorce, Double standards, Faith, Family, Happiness, High maintenance relationships, Listening, Living together, Love, Recovery, Relationships, Voice | 3 Comments »

“My husband told me he didn’t love me anymore last August. I knew it was because of another woman. It escalated from text messages, chats, and emails between them. It was so out of his character and so I blamed myself. We went to a church counselor and it completely saved our marriage. I have [...]

Filed under: Authentic love, Betrayal, Boundaries, Faith, Family, Recovery, Relationships | 5 Comments »