Difficult Relationships / Rod E. Smith

When I’m feeling overwhelmed by the pressures of making a living, parenting my children, trying to be a helpful member of my community, I try to preempt any feelings of self-pity by counting my blessings “one by one.” There is great wisdom in the Sunday School standard, “Count your blessings.” Gratitude can change everything. Dark [...]

Filed under: Community, Education, Faith, Family | Tagged: being grateful, counting your blessings | 1 Comment »

Sometimes liking (enjoying, being pleased to see) someone is even more powerful than loving someone. I’ve met a few men and women who, in trying to sound magnanimous or even holy who have declared: “I really love my son (or my husband, daughter, in-laws, pastor) but I just don’t like him (her, them) right now.”
Great! [...]

Filed under: Boundaries, Coaching, Communication, Education, Family | Tagged: healthy people, like and love, relationship | 2 Comments »

 
Dedicated to Younger Readers (From my book: A SHORT COURSE IN GOOD MANNERS for Middle School and All other Humans)
I will not apologize for adults who treat you with less than good manners, but I will try to articulate a few things that I know annoy younger people about some adults. When dealing with annoying [...]

Filed under: Authentic love, Boundaries, Children, Communication, Community, Compatibility, Education, Family, Growing up, Happiness, Humor | Tagged: church, communicating with youth, fun, kids, middle school, talking down to kids, youth groups | 2 Comments »

Conditions under which counseling or therapy will be of most value….
1. Neither client nor therapist exaggerates therapist’s abilities or the client’s condition.
2. Therapist sees role as helping client steer toward a more productive, healthy future.
3. Client sees the “big picture” over the “long haul” rather immediate relief in the “here and now.” (Patience, patience, patience).
4. [...]

Filed under: Anger, Attraction, Authentic love, Blended families, Books, Boundaries, Differentiation, Difficult Relationships, Divorce, Domination, Education, Family, Forgiveness, Friendship, High maintenance relationships, Love, Manipulation, Marriage, Re-marriage, Recovery, Relationships, Responsive people, Second marriages, Sexual compatibility, Step parenting, Teenagers, Therapeutic Process, Toxic Relationships, Victims, Voice, Young Love | Tagged: affair, Counseling, Family, father, help, lover, Money, mother, parents, sex, therapy, time, waste | 7 Comments »

I took on two stepchildren twelve years ago who have become wonderful adults who love all their parents. Here are some things I did to make life easier:

I didn’t take the place of anyone. I took my place.
I didn’t get in the way of their affections for their parents, but expected them to be well [...]

Filed under: Adoption, Attraction, Authentic love, Blended families, Boundaries, Children, Coaching, Communication, Community, Differentiation, Difficult Relationships, Education, Family, High maintenance relationships, Home, Step parenting, Stepfather, Stepmother, Toxic Relationships, Trust, Voice | Tagged: affair, anguish, blended family, emotional, help, husband, mother, relationship hell, step, wife | No Comments »

Mind your own business.

Take care of every aspect of your own job before you give time to noticing what someone else is, or is not, doing.

Never initiate or perpetuate gossip of any kind.

Tell the truth.

Apologize when necessary and try to learn from your mistakes.

Get “you need” and “you must” and “you should” out of [...]

Filed under: Affairs, Authentic love, Domination, Education | Tagged: Gossip, help, office, people, rules, scandal, work | No Comments »

1. Are we spiritually, financially, psychologically, and emotionally, sufficiently suited to each other?
2. Do our long-held, individual, long-term, personal goals and personal dreams somewhat fit with each other?
3. What do we each imagine is possible for us to achieve (service to the poor, overseas travel, learning [...]

Filed under: Attraction, Blended families, Boundaries, Communication, Community, Compatibility, Control issues, Differentiation, Divorce, Education, Family, Generosity, Happiness, High maintenance relationships, Interpersonal intimacy, Listening, Love, Marriage, Marriage and in-laws, Money, Re-marriage, Relationships, Sexual compatibility, Toxic Relationships, Victims, Voice, Weddings | Tagged: , boyfriend, Compatibility, debt, Divorce, girlfriend, help, Love, Marriage, Money, new, questions | 1 Comment »

Axioms (observations that are almost always true) for families:
A man or woman who has an open, friendly, respectful, and playful relationship with his or her own parents will seldom have problems with his or her in-laws.
Extra-marital affairs are symptoms of a troubled marriage and not the cause of trouble in a marriage.
The teenager who is [...]

Filed under: Affairs, Anger, Attraction, Authentic love, Boundaries, Cheating, Children, Coaching, Communication, Community, Compatibility, Control issues, Dads, Dating, Domination, Double standards, Education, Faith, Family, Forgiveness, Friendship, Generosity, Happiness, High maintenance relationships, Interpersonal intimacy, Listening, Living together, Long distance relationships, Manipulation, Marriage and in-laws | Tagged: Affairs, disfunction, help, Relationships, sex | 2 Comments »

“My fiancé – of 15 years – and I seem to be operating at a tangent with regard to a host of issues. She is a elementary teacher. I am an academic. Her behaviors abound with inconsistencies, lies, secrets, and manipulation. I am more consultative in my communication with her; she is highly defensive and [...]

Filed under: Affairs, Attraction, Authentic love, Education, Forgiveness | 2 Comments »

It’s been a tag free-for-all in my house tonight. Not the traditional run-hide-and-find kind but the keep-dad-awake version. One child goes off to sleep; the other turns his head a fraction off the pillow to say he is “starving.” I think immediately how little we know in a land of plenty about starvation, but decide not [...]

Filed under: Adoption, Authentic love, Blended families, Children, Communication, Community, Dads, Differentiation, Education, Growing up, Happiness, Listening, Parenting/Children | 1 Comment »