Difficult Relationships / Rod E. Smith

There is much debate about the disciplining of children. Here are two readers expressing contrary views. What do you think? How does it work (or not work) in your family? I welcome your responses:
“I have four kids and if one of them gets out of line I will spank their bottoms. Kids nowadays get away [...]

Filed under: Abuse, Authentic love, Child neglect, Children, Dads, Difficult Relationships, Disrespect, Victims | Tagged: Children, discipline, spanking | 2 Comments »

Lizz,
There are a whole range of responses that men have to women being pregnant and giving birth. Difficult though it is for me to understand, I’m aware that a significant number of men find pregnant women to be unusually attractive, even to the point of becoming fantasy objects. Likewise, some men see mothers as more [...]

Filed under: Communication, Difficult Relationships, Disrespect, Divorce, Double standards, Penis propelled, Personal contact, Personal growth, Pornography, Rage, Re-marriage | Tagged: pregnancy | No Comments »

“I have been married a year and it has been so down. My husband prefers drinking with his loser buddies than being around any positive people. I hardly see him. I feel like we are in a very early stage of a relationship. I have been married four times, and I think I am crazy! [...]

Filed under: Attraction, Blended families, Differentiation, Difficult Relationships, Disrespect, Family | Tagged: child, choices, ex, heartbroken, husband, losers, Love, Re-marriage, Relationships, stuck, wife | 3 Comments »

“My husband tries to keep me happy by buying me stuffed animals. If we had sex for every stuffed animal he’s given me then we’d never have gotten out of bed. I don’t have enough room for all these stupid things. It’s clear he’s not interested in me physically and he says I’m wrong. I [...]

Filed under: Anger, Betrayal, Differentiation, Difficult Relationships, Disrespect, Victims, Voice, Womanhood | Tagged: Difficult Relationships, more sex, stuffed animals, toxic | 2 Comments »

Jealousy serves no useful purpose. Jealous men (in my experience it is often men) have tried to tell me it comes with love.
Nonsense.

Ugliness is never a symptom of love.
Placated (or appeased, or entertained) jealousy won’t dissipate. It will grow, yes grow, and become increasingly demanding.
A woman who allows a lover’s jealousy to “work,” [...]

Filed under: Affairs, Anger, Attraction, Boundaries, Cheating, Control issues, Differentiation, Difficult Relationships, Disrespect, Insight, Interpersonal intimacy, Intimidation, Jealousy, Personal growth, Voice | Tagged: anguish, Family, High maintenance relationships, Jealousy, Love, Manipulation, sex | 7 Comments »

The power and sacredness of sex …
Morality, religious beliefs, and family values and expectations aside, which, by the way I believe is impossible to do, don’t have sex with a person whom you do not know, and are not committed to in every area of your life, for the long haul.
To say “it (sex) is [...]

Filed under: Affairs, Attraction, Authentic love, Betrayal, Boundaries, Communication, Community, Compatibility, Difficult Relationships, Disrespect, Divorce, Domination, Double standards, Flirting, Flirts, Forgiveness, Friendship, Generosity, Happiness, High maintenance relationships, Intimidation, Listening, Living together, Long distance relationships, Triggers, Trust, Victims, Violence, Voice | Tagged: best sex, Divorce, emotional cripple, growth, help, husband, life, Marriage, sex, wheelchair | No Comments »

Dear Stuck:
Note I have broken my own rules about keeping every entry to fewer than 250 words! But Stuck - I wanted you to hear from me, even if you might not like what I have to say.
Your letter appears below with my comments in BOLD and italics. I am sorry it took me so [...]

Filed under: Abuse, Affairs, Anger, Attraction, Authentic love, Difficult Relationships, Disrespect, Divorce, Personal growth, Toxic Relationships, Trust, Victims, Violence, Voice | Tagged: child, choices, ex, heartbroken, husband, Love, Relationships, stuck, wife | 4 Comments »

“I married 26 years ago out of a sense of guilt and it has never left. We have had a very difficult marriage and yet we both have a high level of commitment.  I want a healthier relationship but I don’t know how to get it. I know a healthier relationship starts with a healthier [...]

Filed under: Anxiety, Attraction, Authentic love, Betrayal, Boundaries, Compatibility, Control issues, Disrespect, Divorce, Domination, Happiness, Insight, Interpersonal intimacy, Toxic Relationships, Victims | Tagged: Divorce, emotional cripple, growth, help, husband, life, Marriage, wheelchair | No Comments »

I’d suggest that if two or three of the following ring true you might want to get some professional help (or coaching, or peer supervision or whatever is available to you):
1. You think someone has more power over your life than you do.
2. You think your future is not primarily in your hands.
3. You think [...]

Filed under: Abuse, Attraction, Authentic love, Betrayal, Differentiation, Difficult Relationships, Disrespect, High maintenance relationships, Home, Insight, Interpersonal intimacy, Victims, Violence, Voice, Young Love | Tagged: alcohol. love, Anger, control, Domination, freedom, husband, Intimidation, life, Love, Manipulation, Marriage, victim, wife | 1 Comment »

Are you emotionally out of shape? Psychologically exhausted? Tramped on? Feel trapped? Just as a person can be physically run down, so also can one become emotionally depleted. Here are simple, not easy, steps to getting your internal life into shape. Each will do your internal life as much good as frequent exercise does for [...]

Filed under: Alcoholism, Anger, Authentic love, Betrayal, Boundaries, Cheating, Children, Coaching, Communication, Community, Control issues, Dads, Differentiation, Difficult Relationships, Disrespect, Divorce, Domination, Double standards, Family, First date, Flirting, Forgiveness, Friendship, Growing up, Happiness, High maintenance relationships, Intimidation, Jealousy, Listening, Living together, Long distance relationships, Marriage, Marriage and in-laws, Meditation, Parenting/Children, Past relationships, Personal growth, Pornography, Re-marriage, Reactivity, Recovery, Relationships, Sexual abuse, Sexual compatibility, Toxic Relationships, Victims, Violence, Voice | Tagged: , drink, drunk, emotional, exhausted, help, Marriage, remarriage, tired | 7 Comments »