Difficult Relationships / Rod E. Smith

1.    Even though you do not feel like it, “force” yourself into a loving and supportive community. Go out with old friends, join a club or a church, find a new interest that is shared with “new” people.
2.    Tell one person everything. Don’t choose someone too close to the situation, or someone who has also [...]

Filed under: Differentiation, Relationships, Toxic Relationships, Voice | Tagged: breaking up, reconciliation | No Comments »

“You often mention ‘forgiving’ or ‘forgiveness.’ Is this blanket advice even to follow when the person who has perpetrated the wrong has not apologized or asked for forgiveness. If you forgive someone who has not asked for forgiveness, are you then not letting that person get away with their bad behaviour and thus not putting [...]

Filed under: Authentic love, Boundaries, Communication, Differentiation, Forgiveness, Personal growth, Relationships, Toxic Relationships, Victims, Voice | Tagged: how do I forgive, hurt, sorrow, sorry | No Comments »

I get an inordinate amount of mail from men and women about the difficulties of how to treat a former husband or wife. Here are some guidelines:
What do you owe your ex?
1. Common courtesy as offered to all other people – no more, no less.
2. Respectful interactions pertaining to the children.
3. Efficiency and reliability regarding [...]

Filed under: Authentic love, Communication, Differentiation, Relationships, Toxic Relationships, Voice | Tagged: Divorce, ex huisband, ex wife, husband, sex | No Comments »

“My boyfriend and I are about to get married. I have a problem. He’s insecure that my daughter’s father is in her life. What do I do to assure him that nothing is going on between my ex and me other than taking care of our child? What do I do?” (Edited)
It is not [...]

Filed under: Boundaries, Children, Coaching, Communication, Dating, Differentiation, Difficult Relationships, Divorce, Growing up | No Comments »

“The thing I never understood about my husband, and perhaps men in general, is that work is very important. When he’d sometimes choose to work rather than be home I mistakenly saw it as rejection. He sees working on the weekend as a way of making sure we have a home. He doesn’t need as [...]

Filed under: Authentic love, Communication, Differentiation, Relationships | 1 Comment »

It is within my power to make this an extraordinary day, to be followed by an extraordinary weekend. I have the ability required to be a loving, kind, firm, and responsible member of my family, my neighborhood, and my city.
I know how to serve others - and I will do so with a thankful heart.
I [...]

Filed under: Differentiation | 2 Comments »

My family is troubled. We are facing financial issues, relationship problems, and change (one sister is getting married, one sister is getting divorced). I am 23 and feel as if my parents are looking to me to be the wise one. In the meantime I am trying to build my own life and get an [...]

Filed under: Boundaries, Community, Compatibility, Differentiation, Difficult Relationships | Tagged: Family, help, responsibility | 2 Comments »

I find it fascinating that after seven years (I think it has been that long!) of You and Me I still get a stack of mail every day. Thanks. Thanks a lot! Three years ago I had so many readers asking for back issues of the column that I began posting the column on a [...]

Filed under: Differentiation, Difficult Relationships, Home, Toxic Relationships | Tagged: newspaper columns, south africa, the mercury, you and me | 1 Comment »

1. Blind you from the real issues you and your family are facing.
2. Distort your thinking either by amplifying or by minimizing the real issues.
3. Make you inordinately suspicious of others and so you create “necessary” enemies.
4. Make you inordinately trusting of a few in whom you place all your trust.
5. Suck all the energy [...]

Filed under: Boundaries, Coaching, Communication, Differentiation, Difficult Relationships, Victims, Voice | Tagged: ache, Anxiety, concern, troubles, worry | 3 Comments »

“My ex-wife still tries to dominate me and interfere in my life. I have moved on and have a new woman. My teenage daughter and I have a very good relationship but whenever my ex-wife is around I am reminded why I divorced her. How do I get her to understand she is divorced and [...]

Filed under: Authentic love, Communication, Differentiation, Difficult Relationships, Divorce, Family, High maintenance relationships, Insight, Interpersonal intimacy | Tagged: boyfriend, Dating, ex, girlfriend, Past relationships, sex | 2 Comments »