Difficult Relationships / Rod E. Smith

It is in us to love. It’s human. We have the capacity for it. Even hurt and rejected people can love. Once a person accepts that love has more than romantic connotations, as powerful and valid as these of course are, he or she will be able to see its broader power.
Love is unleashed through [...]

Filed under: Anger, Anxiety, Attraction, Authentic love, Betrayal, Boundaries, Cheating, Children, Communication, Community, Compatibility, Control issues, Dads, Differentiation, Difficult Relationships, Double standards, Faith, Family, Generosity, Grace, Growing up, Happiness, High maintenance relationships, Interpersonal intimacy, Listening, Long distance relationships, Love, Marriage, Meditation, Past relationships, Personal growth, Re-marriage, Recovery, Sexual abuse, Sexual compatibility, Therapeutic Process, Toxic Relationships, Triggers, Trust, Victims, Voice, Weddings, Womanhood, Young Love | Tagged: courage, Family, healing, hurt, husband, Love, wife | 4 Comments »

Jealousy serves no useful purpose. Jealous men (in my experience it is often men) have tried to tell me it comes with love.
Nonsense.

Ugliness is never a symptom of love.
Placated (or appeased, or entertained) jealousy won’t dissipate. It will grow, yes grow, and become increasingly demanding.
A woman who allows a lover’s jealousy to “work,” [...]

Filed under: Affairs, Anger, Attraction, Boundaries, Cheating, Control issues, Differentiation, Difficult Relationships, Disrespect, Insight, Interpersonal intimacy, Intimidation, Jealousy, Personal growth, Voice | Tagged: anguish, Family, High maintenance relationships, Jealousy, Love, Manipulation, sex | 7 Comments »

“I am in an extra-marital affair and want to end it. I never ceased to loving or being intimate with my husband although my relations with another man have shattered some parts of our marital intimacy at times. I told my husband I also love another man and am sexually attracted to the other man. [...]

Filed under: Affairs, Anger, Attraction, Authentic love, Betrayal, Boundaries, Cheating, Triggers, Trust, Victims, Violence, Voice | Tagged: affair, anguish, blended family, emotional, help, husband, mother, relationship hell, step, wife | 2 Comments »

“I met a guy and fell in love. I moved in with him and got pregnant and started planning the wedding but then he was physically abusive so I moved home. He moved back once the baby was born when he realized what he was missing. For 8 years, he continued to waiver back and [...]

Filed under: Abuse, Affairs, Anger, Attraction, Authentic love, Betrayal, Boundaries, Cheating, Communication, Community, Compatibility, Control issues, Dating, Triggers, Trust, Victims, Violence, Voice | Tagged: Divorce, emotional cripple, growth, help, husband, life, living, Marriage, together, wheelchair | 2 Comments »

“My wife is having an ‘emotional affair’ with a best friend who spends more time with her than I do. He hears more about her life than I do, and is closer to her than I am. I watch this happening and over time it gets more and more intense and I am supposed to [...]

Filed under: Affairs, Anger, Attraction, Authentic love, Betrayal, Boundaries, Cheating, Communication, Compatibility, Control issues, Dating, Differentiation, Difficult Relationships, Family, Toxic Relationships, Triggers, Trust, Victims | Tagged: affair, anguish, emotional, help, husband, relationship hell, wife | 10 Comments »

Are you emotionally out of shape? Psychologically exhausted? Tramped on? Feel trapped? Just as a person can be physically run down, so also can one become emotionally depleted. Here are simple, not easy, steps to getting your internal life into shape. Each will do your internal life as much good as frequent exercise does for [...]

Filed under: Alcoholism, Anger, Authentic love, Betrayal, Boundaries, Cheating, Children, Coaching, Communication, Community, Control issues, Dads, Differentiation, Difficult Relationships, Disrespect, Divorce, Domination, Double standards, Family, First date, Flirting, Forgiveness, Friendship, Growing up, Happiness, High maintenance relationships, Intimidation, Jealousy, Listening, Living together, Long distance relationships, Marriage, Marriage and in-laws, Meditation, Parenting/Children, Past relationships, Personal growth, Pornography, Re-marriage, Reactivity, Recovery, Relationships, Sexual abuse, Sexual compatibility, Toxic Relationships, Victims, Violence, Voice | Tagged: , drink, drunk, emotional, exhausted, help, Marriage, remarriage, tired | 7 Comments »

Reader’s question: My boyfriend says we have to have sex to see if we are sexually compatible before he will continue seeing me. What do you think?
Rod’s answer: What an old, and ridiculous line. Move on! Your boyfriend is what I call a “pp” or “penis propelled.” If you really want to assess sexual compatibility [...]

Filed under: Affairs, Alcoholism, Attraction, Cheating, Communication, Compatibility, Control issues, Dating, Difficult Relationships, Double standards, Happiness, Penis propelled, Personal growth, Victims, Violence, Voice | Tagged: are we suited, compatible, he wants sex, husband, Love, Marriage, sex, wife | 1 Comment »

I am married to a very jealous man and, although I am completely faithful, I am accused of all kinds of things all the time. What can I do to help him?
Nothing. Jealousy is an individual pursuit. The one who is caught in its relentless grip is the only person who can address it. If [...]

Filed under: Abuse, Attraction, Authentic love, Boundaries, Cheating, Differentiation, Difficult Relationships, Disrespect, Divorce, Flirting, Flirts, Jealousy, Love, Manipulation, Marriage, Personal growth, Sexual compatibility, Spousal abuse, Toxic Relationships | Tagged: abused, difficult, husband is jealous, jealous, Jealousy, man, married, wife | 5 Comments »

“My sister-in-law is very judgmental when it comes to how I treat my children (8 and 6). She rolls her eyes behind my back, she makes subtle comments, she sighs; she tells other relatives that she wonders what “some of the children in the family” will become. My husband just laughs it off and says [...]

Filed under: Authentic love, Boundaries, Cheating, Community, Compatibility, Dads, In-laws, Interpersonal intimacy, Jealousy, Listening | Tagged: Children, critical, Family, husband, mother, mothering, raising children, sister-in-law, wife | 1 Comment »

Axioms (observations that are almost always true) for families:
A man or woman who has an open, friendly, respectful, and playful relationship with his or her own parents will seldom have problems with his or her in-laws.
Extra-marital affairs are symptoms of a troubled marriage and not the cause of trouble in a marriage.
The teenager who is [...]

Filed under: Affairs, Anger, Attraction, Authentic love, Boundaries, Cheating, Children, Coaching, Communication, Community, Compatibility, Control issues, Dads, Dating, Domination, Double standards, Education, Faith, Family, Forgiveness, Friendship, Generosity, Happiness, High maintenance relationships, Interpersonal intimacy, Listening, Living together, Long distance relationships, Manipulation, Marriage and in-laws | Tagged: Affairs, disfunction, help, Relationships, sex | 2 Comments »