Posted on June 29, 2008 by Rod E. Smith, MSMFT
“Horse and carriage” drives within you: deny either at your own peril…
A is for Autonomy*: a powerful instinctual longing within you. It’s the desire to be self-directed and separate. It is the “you” who wants to be free of all responsibilities. It is the “you” that fears absorption; the “you” who wants to let your [...]
Filed under: Authentic love, Communication, Personal growth, Relationships, Voice | Tagged: autonomy, emotional health, freedom, intimacy | 2 Comments »
Posted on June 25, 2008 by Rod E. Smith, MSMFT
There is much debate about the disciplining of children. Here are two readers expressing contrary views. What do you think? How does it work (or not work) in your family? I welcome your responses:
“I have four kids and if one of them gets out of line I will spank their bottoms. Kids nowadays get away [...]
Filed under: Abuse, Authentic love, Child neglect, Children, Dads, Difficult Relationships, Disrespect, Victims | Tagged: Children, discipline, spanking | 2 Comments »
Posted on June 19, 2008 by Rod E. Smith, MSMFT
None of the conditions has to be ever-present to count. Even abusive relationships are sometimes trauma and pain-free. Believing the “good times” excuses the “bad times” is an error. The presence of ONE of the following means you could benefit from immediate help.
1. Are you secretive about your relationship so no one really knows what [...]
Filed under: Authentic love, Communication, Personal growth, Voice | Tagged: Abuse, Spousal abuse, Toxic Relationships | No Comments »
Posted on June 5, 2008 by Rod E. Smith, MSMFT
When a friendship is not going well, and a good discussion and reconciliation is necessary, passive-aggressive behavior can seep into a relationship. It is not always easy to identify. Here are some indicators. Find the behavior in yourself before you go looking for it in others…
1. You are spending less time with someone who is important [...]
Filed under: Authentic love, Communication, Difficult Relationships, Relationships, Voice | No Comments »
Posted on June 1, 2008 by Rod E. Smith, MSMFT
“You often mention ‘forgiving’ or ‘forgiveness.’ Is this blanket advice even to follow when the person who has perpetrated the wrong has not apologized or asked for forgiveness. If you forgive someone who has not asked for forgiveness, are you then not letting that person get away with their bad behaviour and thus not putting [...]
Filed under: Authentic love, Boundaries, Communication, Differentiation, Forgiveness, Personal growth, Relationships, Toxic Relationships, Victims, Voice | Tagged: how do I forgive, hurt, sorrow, sorry | No Comments »
Posted on May 6, 2008 by Rod E. Smith, MSMFT
I appreciate your brief letter but doubt you will hear what I have to say or that you will adhere to what I suggest. You will avoid much future pain if you take to heart what I have suggested. But, love (or what feels like love) IS blind. It is also deaf, and mute. Therefore [...]
Filed under: Authentic love, Difficult Relationships, Relationships, Toxic Relationships, Voice | 2 Comments »
Posted on April 24, 2008 by Rod E. Smith, MSMFT
I get an inordinate amount of mail from men and women about the difficulties of how to treat a former husband or wife. Here are some guidelines:
What do you owe your ex?
1. Common courtesy as offered to all other people – no more, no less.
2. Respectful interactions pertaining to the children.
3. Efficiency and reliability regarding [...]
Filed under: Authentic love, Communication, Differentiation, Relationships, Toxic Relationships, Voice | Tagged: Divorce, ex huisband, ex wife, husband, sex | No Comments »
Posted on April 21, 2008 by Rod E. Smith, MSMFT
“The thing I never understood about my husband, and perhaps men in general, is that work is very important. When he’d sometimes choose to work rather than be home I mistakenly saw it as rejection. He sees working on the weekend as a way of making sure we have a home. He doesn’t need as [...]
Filed under: Authentic love, Communication, Differentiation, Relationships | 1 Comment »
Posted on April 20, 2008 by Rod E. Smith, MSMFT
“When I look back I realize it took about ten years for us to be truly married. Of course the ceremony happened in a day but that is not what I am talking about. It took about ten years for us to both feel really at home with each other, to relax with the problems [...]
Filed under: Authentic love | No Comments »
Posted on April 16, 2008 by Rod E. Smith, MSMFT
“My husband has, in the past, been emotionally immature and unavailable - I survived for years where his priority was work. Things changed when he was retrenched. He seems to have matured, woken up to what is important in life, and these days makes a huge effort to be positive, outgoing, involved with the family [...]
Filed under: Authentic love, Relationships, Toxic Relationships, Voice | 1 Comment »
