Comments on: Dad wants to start up visits again… http://rodesmith.com/2008/09/09/dad-wants-to-start-up-visits-again/ 1000+ columns - increasing daily - sometimes the web has a face Fri, 30 Jul 2010 23:21:10 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.com/ By: Rod E. Smith, MSMFT http://rodesmith.com/2008/09/09/dad-wants-to-start-up-visits-again/#comment-21684 Rod E. Smith, MSMFT Wed, 10 Sep 2008 02:35:31 +0000 http://rodesmith.wordpress.com/?p=838#comment-21684 wonderful suggestion, Callan. Thanks for your contribution. Rod Smith wonderful suggestion, Callan. Thanks for your contribution.

Rod Smith

]]> By: Callan http://rodesmith.com/2008/09/09/dad-wants-to-start-up-visits-again/#comment-21683 Callan Wed, 10 Sep 2008 01:53:58 +0000 http://rodesmith.wordpress.com/?p=838#comment-21683 I'd be inclined to think a twelve year old wont recognise unreliability in his dad, and instead see that something good that came into his life (his dads visits) has become uncertain. I would suggest, in advance of organising anything, asking the child what they want out of meeting dad? Ask what happens if after awhile dad doesn't show all the time? Ask your son if he'll feel sad, or how he will feel. Will he do anything about feeling that, or just keep feeling it? The important thing about this question is that it helps your son decide how he is going to feel in advance, when he has a clear mind. And he's not actually saying how he'll feel, he's deciding how he'll feel. That empowers him. Remain suggestive only during this time - too much pressure will destroy his personal empowerment. Gentle suggestions are usually okay - once someone gets empowered, they usually have the capacity to reject any gentle suggestion they don't want. Once your son knows what he wants, then he'll be in a position to get what he wants out of continued contact with his dad. I’d be inclined to think a twelve year old wont recognise unreliability in his dad, and instead see that something good that came into his life (his dads visits) has become uncertain.

I would suggest, in advance of organising anything, asking the child what they want out of meeting dad? Ask what happens if after awhile dad doesn’t show all the time? Ask your son if he’ll feel sad, or how he will feel. Will he do anything about feeling that, or just keep feeling it? The important thing about this question is that it helps your son decide how he is going to feel in advance, when he has a clear mind. And he’s not actually saying how he’ll feel, he’s deciding how he’ll feel. That empowers him. Remain suggestive only during this time – too much pressure will destroy his personal empowerment. Gentle suggestions are usually okay – once someone gets empowered, they usually have the capacity to reject any gentle suggestion they don’t want.

Once your son knows what he wants, then he’ll be in a position to get what he wants out of continued contact with his dad.

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