“My husband is bipolar and for almost all of our married life he has shown severe aggression whilst driving. The slightest irritation on the road would cause him to exhibit road rage. He would most often tailgate and show aggressive signs to other drivers. I have known him to get out of his vehicle to remonstrate with other motorists, without fear of his life or the safety of others, including my own or our young family. The slightest intake of breath on my part would make him angrier, and he would be even more reckless. I often felt as though a gun was being held to my head, except that the weapon was the motor vehicle. Other than not to travel with him for months on end, I felt trapped. I had thoughts of going to the Metro Police to report him, but feared repercussions. What steps I should have taken? Due to illness he no longer drives. Please Rod, what could I, or should I have done?”
This is a tough call. Bi-polar or not, no one has the right to endanger his family and others. Staying out of the car was a good thing to do! Readers, please, send your suggestions!
Filed under: Abuse, Anger, Bi-polar, Rage, Reactivity, Relationships, Violence, Voice | Tagged: Anger, Bi-polar, driving, Marriage, Rage
Regarding the reader with the bipolar husband, I can offer a few comments based on personal experience. My brother had a girlfriend for many years who was bipolar.Early on,as a family,we soon learned how she operated.If everyone fell in line with her wishes,without challenging her,she was the sweetest person around. A completely different person emerged if we did not follow her wishes,however. Small things,such as who would cook the supper could blow up into emotional outbursts.Things deteriorated to the point where suicide threats were made when my brother wanted to go out to play tennis with his friends,and so on. This went on for years.
My brother is now married to this woman, and as a family we have had to learn to stand up for ourselves,or our lives would have become a misery. So,regardless of the tantrums and tears,we do not allow her to hold our family hostage any longer. As far as possible,we keep our dignity and do not meet aggression with aggression.We do not give in to her every wish,as this would be doing no one any favours.
received by email — posted by Rod
Not driving with him was the right thing to do. Beyond that, it really is all on him. He is the one who would have to recognize and want to change.
I worked for an employer who is bipolar and exhibited severe tantrums from time to time. On occasion, I witnessed family behavior toward her both in the workplace as well as at home. When she behaved aggressively or in a controlling manner, her husband and adult daughter did not sit with her or walked away from her despite her pleas to come back. Similarly, employees after being berated or demeaned, did not return to work until the storm blew over. Most employees avoided or minimized interaction with the employer. Some eventually quit while one or two used the same harsh verbal tactics on her to survive. In each scenario, the person in the proverbial driver’s seat had the power to alter the course of bully behavior and succeeded. My employer and her husband have been married many years. He never lets her drive in or out of the car. Staying out of the car–I agree with Rod–was wise!
I’m bi-polar and people with experiences is good. Some of us go through a hell sometimes once a week, a day, or several times a day. Everyone says medication is the ticket, that is a wild goose chase and sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn’t. I’m good on my Meds. Remember most BP are highly intelligent and sometimes things aren’t logic and also through just plain mania we want control
My husband is also bipolar and I have witnessed the road rage it doesn’t matter what triggers it, he becomes “the man” while driving. I can empathize with the feeling of a gun to your head. You did the right thing, you are important and so is your safety. Best Wishes
Anyone can experience “road rage” - its not just people with Bipolar. I have Bipolar and have only had one episode of “road rage” in 10 years and that was prior to my diagnosis and prior to being stable on my medication.
The DVLA (driving licence authority) in England does medical checks on all people with Bipolar with their treating psychiatrist to determine whether or not they are fit to drive. If they are, they have their driving licence renewed.
I drive around 360 miles a week. I come across countless of angry, rude, aggressive and downright unkind drivers daily.
Are you saying that they are all Bipolar? Or are you saying that those with Bipolar also, at times, exhibit these kinds of characteristics along with the general population?
Blaming “normal” unhealthy human behaviour on Bipolar is not helpful to either you or the Bipolar sufferer. The person with Bipolar has to learn to recognise what makes them feel angry in the first place. If their spouse/employee/family always blames anger/frustration/rage/annoyance/irritation on “Bipolar” that is a sure fire way to make the Bipolar sufferer feel anger/frustration/rage/annyance/irritation. They, like everyone else on the planet, feel these normal emotions from time to time. To attribute it to Bipolar and to not to normal human feelings, is to undermine that person further and to invalidate their feelings thereby leading to further depression.
Look at your own self and your own negative emotions and behaviour and see if you come up smelling of roses!