“My husband and my parents just do not get along. They seem to be fighting about everything and anything. My husband says he’s not at fault and my parents say they are not at fault. But I feel trapped in the middle. How do I deal with both without hurting or betraying the other.”

Get out of the middle. Leave the room when their conflicts surface. Laugh uproariously at their childish ways. Find the humor in their absurd inability to co-exist as adults.

But, do not carry messages between the “warring” groups. Say things like, “He’s your son-in-law, talk to him yourself,” and, “My parents can hear this from you as much as they can from me. You talk to them.”

It is possible for you to love and honor both of these intense relationships without their divide severing you in two.

Remember, you are powerless over relationhips that do not involve you. These relationships impact you, yes, but they do not involve you.

About Rod E. Smith, MSMFT
Rod Smith is a family therapist who writes a daily newspaper column called "YOU AND ME" which has run in The Mercury (east coast of South Africa) for the past nine years. Contact Rod for more information.

One Response to

  1. tobeme says:

    Great advice! Don’t allow yourself to be used as the middle person. They are all adults and will work this out on their own if they have a desire to.

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