Comments on: He vents and his venting gets out of control….. http://rodesmith.com/2007/05/05/he-vents-and-his-venting-gets-out-of-control/ 1000+ columns - increasing daily - sometimes the web has a face Fri, 30 Jul 2010 23:21:10 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.com/ By: Rod E. Smith, MSMFT http://rodesmith.com/2007/05/05/he-vents-and-his-venting-gets-out-of-control/#comment-15913 Rod E. Smith, MSMFT Mon, 01 Oct 2007 08:18:44 +0000 http://rodesmith.wordpress.com/2007/05/05/he-vents-and-his-venting-gets-out-of-control/#comment-15913 Get your attention off you husband’s behavior and onto your own. Like many people, you observe the finer details of a partner’s behavior while ignoring your complicity that helped fuel the very behavior you now reject. Why would you marry a man when his pre-marriage behavior was already draining you? Things would be different if you’d made a radical stand the very first time he was inappropriate. Divorce? Separation? I have no idea. I do know nothing will change – actually they will deteriorate – until you do something radical. You are a target but you have legs! Use them. Get your attention off you husband’s behavior and onto your own. Like many people, you observe the finer details of a partner’s behavior while ignoring your complicity that helped fuel the very behavior you now reject. Why would you marry a man when his pre-marriage behavior was already draining you? Things would be different if you’d made a radical stand the very first time he was inappropriate.

Divorce? Separation? I have no idea. I do know nothing will change – actually they will deteriorate – until you do something radical. You are a target but you have legs! Use them.

]]> By: WMarie http://rodesmith.com/2007/05/05/he-vents-and-his-venting-gets-out-of-control/#comment-15821 WMarie Wed, 26 Sep 2007 02:17:45 +0000 http://rodesmith.wordpress.com/2007/05/05/he-vents-and-his-venting-gets-out-of-control/#comment-15821 For the last 7 years my husband's venting has gotten so out of control I'm considering a divorce. I've tried talking with him about it yet it ends up in a fight. "He yells about the neighborhood kids making too much noise, thumping car stereos, how this person or that is doing this to him at work..." When I first met him, there were times I had to hang the phone up and take a walk. It drained me. I later married him, only to find out this venting was a regular thing with him and that I eventually became a target. I've often said, "Its not what your stating....Its how your stating it...the delivery, the energy behind the words" Its gotten so bad now, I can't sleep, concentrate and I have a hard time being around him. Its not fair to him or me. What should I do? Do I divorce him, seperate from him? I've already seen a therapist over this and have discussed it with him but he won't stop. For the last 7 years my husband’s venting has gotten so out of control I’m considering a divorce. I’ve tried talking with him about it yet it ends up in a fight. “He yells about the neighborhood kids making too much noise, thumping car stereos, how this person or that is doing this to him at work…” When I first met him, there were times I had to hang the phone up and take a walk. It drained me. I later married him, only to find out this venting was a regular thing with him and that I eventually became a target. I’ve often said, “Its not what your stating….Its how your stating it…the delivery, the energy behind the words” Its gotten so bad now, I can’t sleep, concentrate and I have a hard time being around him. Its not fair to him or me. What should I do? Do I divorce him, seperate from him? I’ve already seen a therapist over this and have discussed it with him but he won’t stop.

]]> By: tobeme http://rodesmith.com/2007/05/05/he-vents-and-his-venting-gets-out-of-control/#comment-9578 tobeme Tue, 08 May 2007 18:32:13 +0000 http://rodesmith.wordpress.com/2007/05/05/he-vents-and-his-venting-gets-out-of-control/#comment-9578 Hmmm, I guess it depends on the level of ranting. Two hours does sound excessive. I do not think that you should cut your role as sounding board out all together, however he needs to understand the level at which he is venting is damaging to your relationship and that he needs to tone it down. You may want to begin by establishing a agreed upon time limit for venting. Start at an hour and work it down to 15 - 20 minutes. I believe that it is important to be there to listen to each other about each others day. This is the freindship part of any long term relationship. Hmmm, I guess it depends on the level of ranting. Two hours does sound excessive. I do not think that you should cut your role as sounding board out all together, however he needs to understand the level at which he is venting is damaging to your relationship and that he needs to tone it down. You may want to begin by establishing a agreed upon time limit for venting. Start at an hour and work it down to 15 – 20 minutes.
I believe that it is important to be there to listen to each other about each others day. This is the freindship part of any long term relationship.

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