Wife flirts at parties and I do not like it
My wife and I have lots of fights because at parties and family occasions she flirts with all the men. And NEVER flirts with me. She says she is just being friendly. I cannot understand why she carries on doing something she knows I do not like. What should I do?
It sounds like your wife has a lot more fun at parties and family occasions than you do. I'd suggest you stay home. If her friendliness is so threatening to you she ought to go alone. There are several reasons she "carries on doing something she knows" you do not like: she likes it; it is innocent; she understands it is not a good idea for you to control how she has fun.
Perhaps, if you took your focus off your wife and relaxed a little, she would want to flirt with you. Jealousy is not very attractive. The sooner you realize that your jealousy is your problem and that it has nothing at all to do with her behavior, the sooner you will be over it.
Two things: 1. He (or she) who has the feeling (in this case jealousy) has the problem. 2. Love and control cannot coexist in the same relationship.
Filed under: Abuse, Affairs, Anger, Cheating, Communication, Divorce, Domination, Flirts, Love, Manipulation, Personal growth
I think that is is innocent…she does want the people she flirts with. She wants the attention, admiration, and acceptance they give her. Those three things are what most women want. No need to be jealous…but that’s ALWAYS easier said than done.
decadentgirl, I am in the same boat as the guy that started this but am not married,
what if she totally ignores me and she is using her hands to message and touch the guys face, neck, shoulders, arms and chest. Also what if she sits really close to other guys and touches him more than she touches me. now what am I supposed to think that its all innocent touching. What would she most likely do when I am not around
….. Joe, if your girfriend is behaving in this manner I’d suggest you have a traoubled liason, and you might want to consider your continued participation. She’s gone beyond “friendly” and her behaviour is hurting the trust between you…….. you decide about YOUR respondse to her behaviour and see if you want to continue seeing her or not. Tell her. Ask her to stop. Decide whaty YOU will do………. Write again so we can continue talking. Rod
Rod@DifficultRelationships.com
Rod, she says she loves me alot, would never cheat on me, and has never felt this way for a guy like me. She has had alot of one night stands but says she has changed and wants to be with only me for the rest of her life. She hangs around alot of gay men, the man she was touching was gay but still it is the thought of her touching another man. I am afraid to know but would like to know what she does when I am not around and there is straight guys around, I don’t know if she does anything. Whenever I confront her about this stuff, she starts crying.
i agree that love and control cannot both exist in a relationship. what’s wrong with being friendly with other guys than your husband. maybe you have a problem in trusting your wife—which is attestable. i have a lot of guy friends but my husband does not disapprove of it. i invite him along and he willfully joins me in parties i get invited in. the ironic thing is that we met through wealthymendotcom. we both know that we know how to flirt around but we don’t fight about it.i think it’s because we trust each other.
In reply to love and control can’t exist in a relationship. What about respect for the other persons feelings knowing how much it bothers him that she flirts with other guys? He is supposed to be her best friend and companion in life and come first and vice versa. How would she feel if he was flirting with every woman that walked by him and ignoring her.
I disagree with some of the advice. In a healthy relationship, the other person’s feelings are important. Flirting with other men is inappropriate where there is love. If you love someone, why do you need the attention from others. Something is missing in the relationship. Either she is not getting what she needs or she needs to grow up. I have been on both sides of the fence, it’s easy to stop when the girl you love asks you. Why, because she is the one I care about. All the other girls are not going to be there for me when I need them. To me it’s a small price to pay for the riches you get in return. One problem is, sometimes you let go of a personality trait and it goes unappreciated and backfires. Your needs are not met and you become less and less of who you are. This is a catch 22. If two become one and there is mutual respect and love, you live a great life together, minus the trivial problems. If anyone person loses some of WHO they are and the other is not there for them later, it’s a recipe for loss of self, control and eventually sadness. Good luck and God be with you.
Scott,
That is a great way of putting it, I agree with you 100%. If he/she flirts when the other person is there, what does he/she do when the other person is not around?? That so called innocent flirting could lead to cheating and lying.
She is testing you. Women test men. She wants to see your reaction, if you show jealousy you failed the test. She knows she is in control.
Capish?
What can you do?
1.- You can do the very same thing! Flirt with women in front of her.
2.- Make no big deal out of it simply say “oh so you are a flirty girl” with a big smile.
Daniel — please don’t call fellow readers by unkind names — I edited your comment…… Rod
My husband flirts all the time in front of me. He calls it “being nice” or being “friendly”. He doesn’t seem to recognize it as flirting. He is a handsome man and many of my friends have commented on his looks. They all seem to congregate around him and giggle at his comments. It feels like high school behavior to me and I am insulted by it. I am tired of the whole thing and have told him that while I trust he isn’t going to cheat, I still am offended by this emotionally and feel it reflects badly on me as well as him. I think it shows disrespect to me as his wife. I also think it steals something from our relationship for him to “share” himself in this manner. I am not feeling jealous, just sickened and annoyed. He has said he will stop and didn’t realize that it bothered me and seemed saddened and shocked that I confronted him about this.
Christine
Your wife is ultra friendly. If she loves you she’ll change. Only you should receive such affection. Set down the law my brotha. Its time to be heard. Shes your prize, your trophy. Protect whats your.
….. when women are regarded as possessions they ought to see a very large red flag and run a mile…….. if he loves you he’ll want nothing more than your perfect freedom to have many friends (men included) as possible….. Sorry, JR, women and “Set down the law” and being a “trophy” are attitudes that will not quite contribute to a long-term and healthy relationship…. I hope your trophy resists that approach too. Thanks for writing.
Rod Smith
My wife and i have been together for over 20 years . We dated for five years before we got married . She has never been the type to show much effection or compassion . In fact it’s a rare moment when she even reaches for my hand or touches me . She’s a wonderful mother but our relationship has seen it’s ups and downs.
I have never cheated on her and i don’t think she has ever cheated on me . What is disturbing is that she has always been attracted to someone else and doesn’t hide it .
The problem i have now is that she loves to flirt with certain men in our social group , which makes it uncomfortable for me because i know i can’t change the way she feels about me and i accept that she is attracted to other men instead of me , but it’s uncomfortable when she flirts with other men because i feel like they look at me and think , ” hey i could have your wife if i wanted to . When she’s around certain men , she turns into this high school girl , her head tilts upwards, her eyes open up and she’s practically drooling, touching of the guys arm or shoulder . She’ll constantly be looking to see where that person is or what he is doing or what he is wearing . She seems to love just being around that person. It’s upsetting to watch because i know what she thinks of me and she never shows any effection like that towards me .
However , the strange part is that . She is the first person to condemn a spouse for cheating and talks about how wrong it is to cheat on a spouse .
It wouldn’t be so upsetting if i knew that we had something together, if i knew that she felt differently about me and was attracted to me . There is always a strong feeling that given the chance and the right conditions she would go further with these men. Not to mention that if someone else came around and would be interested in her and could provide for her , she would leave me .
Dear Tom:
I edited your response because I have the joy and privilege of being quite widely read by some young people who’d be unlikely to benefit from the graphic detail that was perhaps useful for you to write.
I will repond to you in a private Email.
Thanls for writing and taking the time to tell me about your life.
Rod Smith
I have a girlfriend who has a strong tendency to flirt with other guys on social occasions.
I gave her some comments about it and received a reply that it is neccessary for her to feel desired and that was the reason for it, so I understood that it won’t be resolved by talking with her.
As I am quite good at flirting myself, I have used every chance to flirt with women and “use my charms” when my girlfriend was with me and after a few weeks she went almost mad (I am much more successful then her in it and she saw that the women actually reacted to my remarks)
I really can not remember whether I’ve noticed her flirting again at all and I think she got the point.
I think the best method to use is to let them know that the rules in the relationship are mutual and that you also can do the same as she does, probably much better. If the partner defies your views on his/her flirting, then do the same and let him/her feel on his/her skin what you usually feel in those occasions.
I wish my wife would flirt with other guys. I would like nothing more than to be doing her with two or three other guys. You should feel lucky you have a women with a good libido. You Know mid life crisis is when you realkize you should have married the woman that your mom told you to stay away from. Don’t get mad at her enjoy the ride….
Why get married? Correct me if I am wrong but I thought marriage was a 1 on 1 committed relationship. Everyone has their own opinion on what a marriage should be. (Edited this comment - I considered it unsuitable for the many younger people who visit this site. Rod Smith)
I have been married for over 20 years and my wife had flirted with other men by extensive hugging, kissing (close to mouth) and quick remarks that felt inappropriate.
We argued about her behavior and she has always told me that Iam making too much of the situation and that I should go ask the other guy what he meant by his remarks.
Now we are arguing about her recent “incocent” contact to her ex-high school boyfriend” to catch up on the past via classmates.com.
what do I make of this person?
I’m married, but flirt with other women that I’d like to sleep with. Your wife might be like me, or she might have different feelings or motivations. Only she knows her desires. I’ll be the first to admit that cheating is wrong. So is flirting outside of a marriage. Whether or not she acts on her fantasies, she’s the one who’s wrong here.
Thanks John,
Makes a lot of sense and yes you are also correct in saying only she will know what’s on her mind. This constant guessing and wondering is not healthy for me however. I feel my trust for her is being erroded by her suspicious behaviour.
let her enjoy
Youre kidding me people. Having your wife respect your feelings is not control, it is called being married. If she needs to have her hands allover others and you have told her you do not appreciate it and are not cool with it, lose her man. She sounds like many women who NEED the acceptance of others to feel good about themselves, which MAY lead to other things as she obviously is not concerned with your acceptance in social situations.
(I edited the foul language and comments of clear disrespect this comment revealed regarding women and left the essence of his comment: Rod)
My girlfriend and I have been together for 3 years. In the beginning I was the one who was mucking around with my ex-gf because I was young and stupid and couldn’t let go of the past. Ironically enough I was repeating mistakes done to me years ago in another relationship. However, she stood strong and gave me another chance. Since that day something inside myself changed. It was almost as if this young woman instilled my morals back into me. I go out and what used to end with one night stands ends with me drinking with the buddies and me going home to her. No cheating in any way. No dirty dancing, no kissing, no flirting the whole nine yards. The only woman I want to be doing all of that with is her.
Now the exception, she has gone to her first year of college. She has moved away (not far, but about 3 hours). I don’t get to see her until every second weekend. I hardly get to talk to her because she is either busy with school work or going out with her friends there (which I hate are mostly guys). She parties pretty much every weekend there. I have never really met the guy friends per se. I don’t know their personalities, etc.
And it’s been giving me the uneasy feeling for a few weeks now. Alot of people I talk to say “She’s been with you this long she would have cheated on you already.”
Or she tells me straight forward that she loves me and would never do such a thing.
But I can’t always believe that, I dated another woman years ago that we ended up in a long distance relationship, and basically after barely a year she came back one summer and didn’t want to spend time with me anymore at all and was always saying, “I am going to work”, “Scott this”, “Scott that”…blah blah blah…next thing I know BAM She is with Scott.
I would give her everythign to make her happy and I would fight to defend her if I had to and no other woman has ever made me do this. But why can’t I drop my feelings of butterflies when I am not with her? I think stupid things that she is going up to another room not to hang with her friends but to go do somethgng more devious. Or she’s leaving things out and the reason why I think it is because our relationship started out rough. Tit for tat is what my brain is always telling me, “You did it to her so one day she is gonna do it to you.”
And if she did that would hurt the most, but when she is telling me she misses me, loves me and I have nothing to worry about and I am the only one she wants to be with. Why can’t I believe it and stop feeling this way?
Adam,
I am in that same boat, I think stupid things when she is not around, the only thing different is that the girl lives with me. As soon as you find out the answer, I would like to know. I too believe what goes around comes around and I have confronted my girlfriend about the way I feel and she says I feel that way because I have cheated on girlfriends in the past and that is why I get all of these stupid things in my head. She also says she would not cheat on me, loves me, wants to marry me and start a family and spend forever together, but I have the same butterflies when I am not with her always wandering what she is doing and who she is with. It is getting easier to deal with though now that she is opening up to me more and her stories check out.
I know I hate those feelings too. Alot of things go racing through your head like rage, pissed off, uneasy, pain, and happiness all within a few minutes and it just keeps cycling over and over until I am with her again.
Also she has told me the more I worry and show what she calls insecurity and jealousy, the more I am pushing her into leaving me. I am trying to let things flow and see what happens.
You know, I am tryign to do the same things, I realize I am gettign insecure and jealous and I am trying to not let it consume me and act irrationally. But for the love of god…we’re together make the effort to make me feel as special as I make you feel.
Tom, we spoke on the phone together yesterday (that good ol long distance thing) and I basically. In a calm and rational voice. Laid it out on the table, I said why I was acting the way I was, I said how it looks from my end, and basically asked the questions so she could actually ponder the consequences of her actions through even the most insignificant of things. In a nutshell, what if the shoe were on the other foot.
In all honesty I slept well finally last night. I ate a good supper. I still hate how this “Corey” guy does alot for her and she spends time with him, but I’ll see where that goes. I don’t want to act out irrationally on somethign like that…just old memories don’t fade away so easily..even if it wasn’t her.
Keep in touch
…. Adam … you will see I edited and posted a rely to you as my last posting. Hope it is helpful. Let me know if you’d like to talk to me on the phone about all this…… Rod
Well, I don’t have Skype Rod. Nor do I have an internet connection worthy of my standards (I have Dial-Up). I do however just need to get this stuff of my chest constantly. I always would prefer it was her I was talking to, but I have random times when I need to get it off my mind so she might be in class, etc. I can’t find the response you mention though.
HAHA I found it.
Adam, what did you find? The answer to your question
The reply Rod was speaking of.
Hi, my name is rudy. My wife seems to light up over all men. T.V guys, strangers, ect. She denies it but it is very obvious. The most important thing is that I feel badly when I point out her flirty behavior. My wife doesn’t want to hear from me during the day so she doesn’t want calls to see how she is doing at work. I’m not sure what to write, feeling bad.
If your wife is doing this infront of you what do you think she is doing behind you back?
(I, Rod Smith, edited Clint of his foul content — I kept the essence of what his comment. He has a voice here, it is the manner in which he chooses to be uncouth that I removed).
Rudy,
I hate to say this, if she doesnt want you to call her at work to see how she is doing, maybe she is not at work or is involved with someone at work. Does her take home paychecks account for the amount of hours she is at work or does she have alot of vacation time on them that you thought she was at work?
My wife has been spending too much time with her girlfriend at college. She always use to call me, we used to talk and now all I here of is about her friend.
Now she’s even wanting to stay the night at her house which is rented out by a bunch of college students.
She doen’t call me and hardly talks to me. Is this marraige in trouble or what?
Rod take the guys side for once. These fella’s are making sense and you are making excuses for the women who cheat.
Terry, yes my friend.
Your marriage is in trouble. Being very truthful here. If you were still special to her she would call more. Now her topic of choice is not you but her “FRIEND”. See it for what it is man. Wish you well.
Rudy, If she is not listening then I would stop calling her during the day for about 2 weeks. Two things can come of this.
1. She will not want or miss your calls. You now know the truth that her love is gone and it is all about you moving on with your life.
2. She will want to talk. You can mark your territory in this conversation and state how much her fantasties of other men bother you. This will work 100% I promise. Love will be refreshed.
Sorry this is so long.
First of all, my girlfriend is on anti-depressant drugs that are expensive and gets medical through the county so she cant make over a certain amount of money per month, so right now she chooses not to work because she can get her prescription for a dollar.
What would you do with a girlfriend of about a year, hasn’t worked for about 8 months, she usually stays home for the most part and does whatever she wants but when she starts running around all day and hanging out with guy friends (most if not all of them are gay, she doesn’t get along with girls). I get upset because I have to work all the time and she gets to play and have no responsibilities. When she starts going to her friends house alot and I get mad and say I wish I could run around all day and not work, she gets mad and calls me jealous and that I need help. I have caught her in little lies before like she is trying to quit smoking and I know her pack is almost out and somehow there is a new pack laying around and when I confront her about it, she says she had packs laying around in her car….she has used that excuse alot, eventually she told me that she bought them and she didn’t want me to look at her as a failure for not being able to quit. There was a couple times when we got into a fight, she said she is going to the store and goes over to one of her friends house to smoke pot to calm her down- which she knows that I hate. She eventually tells me this but I told her that it makes me mad and that the little lies could possibly lead to bigger lies, she says that it is stupid stuff to worry about and would never cheat on me. She has told me that after one last time she would quit smoking pot to find out a couple weeks later that she did it.(She quit smoking pot everyday to every once in awhile for me and will try to work on quitting it for good) She has told me that she went to the store and get a haircut but she didn’t have enough money so she didn’t buy anything at the store or get her haircut, later that night I found a bag of pot and confronted her about it. She said she went and got that and didn’t go to the store. I asked her at any point did she think of me and how much I hate pot before leaving the house, she said yes but once she left she said she is gonna do what she wants and she wanted to go get a bag of pot. I dont know what to do, I am so pissed that she has lied about small things and she smokes pot, but says she loves me and wants to be with me forever.
I disagree with the comments made here. Being upset with your spouse for flirting is acceptable when you are married. It’s unacceptable, and any decent person with morals should know this. This (edited bad language) should be left to singles and teenagers — not to a married woman who took vows to be exclusive to one man. Opinions like the ones given here just show how troubled and unethical this country has become. Telling this guy to have fun at these parties while his wife drools over other men (edited unsuitable language) is some of worst advice ever given, bar none; Here is sound advice: she has no right to be (edited) teasing other men while married to you. Sit her down… if she really loves you she’ll stop; otherwise, dump her and find someone with some morales. Anyone who says flirting is harmless is full of it and just as untrustworthy as the next. I speak from experience… when you let a flirt go too far it’s bound to explode in your face.
Thanks for your comment, M…… please watch your language on my site — seems you have some anger issues to face — then you might be able to see the reasonableness of my response……. Rod
I too have to agree with M. I have been there. Where your girlfriend takes the flirting so far and than the next thing I knew, she dumped me and is going out with the guy she was flirting with. And than women wonder why we have trust issues with them. They say that was a different girl, I am not that girl, only to find out later that she actually is that girl. This is not one sided, men do the same thing. It would be great if no one lied to each other or used each other unless the other person knew ahead of time as to what they were getting into like just sex or a relationship.
I would say be careful to anyone letting your wife do that. I was the most trusting of husbands and knew ( I thought ) it was innocent flirting. The first time that i am not with her at the party, she has sex with another guy and blames it on being drunk!! Wow this is a great time in my life let me tell you!!!!!
(Edited graphic language from this post: Rod)
C….I was kind of in the same situation. We were in an on off relationship. Were apart for a day and she went out with one of her ex boyfriends (told me they are only friends because she wants me) she spent the night, woke up the next day and had sex with him. We talked on the phone that day and I asked her what she did and she told me, I asked her why she did it and she said she woke up and thought it was me holding her. I said B.S. at what point did you know it wasn’t me and continued to still have sex with him. I went out with her for awhile and cheated on her…(not that this is right, I do regret it now) and broke up with her. She called me 3 years later and said she was married and divorced because he cheated on her and she wanted to see what I was up and to see if I really was serious with my new girlfriend. I finally got it out of her that she wanted have sex with me again because I was good. So she wanted me to cheat on my girlfriend with her. I stayed faithful.
I hate when people use alcohol and being drunk as an excuse. I have been really drunk before and still know what I am doing or getting into.
I know you guys have problems, but get this…my girlfriend lied about having leukemia to get sympathy and to make me feel like I was important to her I guess. Not only was that screwed up, but she used to hang out with this drug dealer character who was always with girls, and she claimed that the guy was her best friend and that she understood him differently than anyone else (he was doing her on the side)…Talk about hurt from my first girlfriend and the girl I lost my virginity to. Suicide definitely crossed my mind when i found all this crap out.
First off, every relationship is different, and bounderies are a very personal choice. Some people don’t appreciate their partners dancing with strangers while others have orgies together. What you have to define to your partner is what behavior you consider inappropriate. If you can refrain from that behavior yourself, you can expect it from your partner. Nobody is forcing them to be with you, and they can choose whether a relationship with you is worth your conditions or not. So in this case; if your wife believes personal freedom is more important than your feelings then you were not meant to be, period. On a side note, I would have to disagree with Rod on one thing. Heavy flirtation while in a commited relationship (in western society) is *generally considered disrespectful to any spouse. In certain circles its not a big deal, but more likely than not it will belittle your spouse in the public eye. An obvious reason for this is the fact that people flirt for something, whether its a sexual drive or attention. By flirting you are showing that your needs are not being fullfilled, ie your partner isn’t enough for you. Most people would take offense to this.
Communication and respect for a partners feelings would be a much more mature and responsible way to deal with feelings of unfulfillment.
I am in a relationship where my lover thinks that it is ok to flirt, I feel very hurt about that. I feel once you are in a committed relationship the flirting should cease. It is disrespectful and I certainly would not do it to them. My love is too strong for me to even think or want to flirt with others. Flirting shows a sexual desire or interest in some one else and it is hurtful to the one you love. I am totally against it.
My girlfriend/mother of my child, who is 30 years old and extremely beautiful - used to model and was known in Los Angeles as a party girl - goes way beyond simple flirting. Stomach touching, back rubs, sitting on bars with legs open while running fingers through someone’s hair, etc. This behavior has landed me in JAIL a few times over the past few years. We have a great relationship until we reach a certain level of alcohol consumption. I understand that this behavior was COOL as a single, footloose and fancy free young lady. But to act this way in a committed relationship is really wrong. After being released from the holding tank, we’ve discussed this and it’s clear that it’s not proper behavior and shows a complete disrespect for me in many ways. For a lady to say that this is innocent and that she has no intentions of sleeping with anyone is a crock of you know what. What does the guy think? He may think he has a chance of F**king your girlfriend/wife. Not to mention making your boyfriend look pretty stupid by acting this way. This sort of behavior sucks and cannot be tolerated.
Flirting is cheating.
Hi all.
I’ve been dating a girl who is very sexy. She’s got a aura that men like. Very bubbly. I have a problem that when we are at socials - she tend to ignore me and likes to have enthusiastic conversations with other guys - leaving me standing wondering what I’m doing here. I have 2 things going through my head. It’s probably that we have spoken enough over time - no news and therefor others stories are interesting, so it’s all innocent and that is fine with me - except that she mustn’t ignore me. The other mind wobble is that she’s looking for her ultimate ‘mate’ or my replacement. I have confronted her about it (last night) and she was very upset - even calling herself a slut! I didn’t want that reaction from her, I only wanted to voice my thoughts. It’s her reactions that has made me worry that I’ve in fact caught her intentions out and she’s thrown up in arms. We haven’t spoken since (well, only today). I’m not sure if I should just keep quiet and let her come back to explain herself or should I ask if she’s ok? I have to say that I’m feeling pretty good about confronting her and speaking my mind - rather than to keep quiet and let my mind work overtime with nonsense. Perhaps she would have liked to have been the more dominant at socials but now I feel that I’m the more dominant for actually confronting her. Anyway it’s a funny life.
i’ve been reading these post in i find a common thread… people often feel its ok for men & women to develop platonic, non romantic, non sexual, no-interest relationships with PEOPLE THEY ARE ATTRACTED TO AS A FRIEND. Now i’m not saying that having a friend of the opposite sex is wrong, but it can be dangerous….. we are creatures of nature, in that i mean we seen to run toward those who bring us comfort, joy, love & satisfaction. I’ve seen all to often where a wife will slip out on her husband & he would never know. My neighbors wife Andrea, beautiful woman had everything going for her, but she would always make these advances toward me… & was serious about them, had i not been married & WITHOUT SPIRITUAL VALUES i would have given in because ultimately that is human nature. I would see her with him, she would be a different person rarely speaking, when he’s away she’s a flirt without letup. Now i’ve fixed a lot things at their home & she would always tell me her husband only knows how to use a cell phone & would laugh about it. (he 42 yo principal of a school that thinks he’s on top of the world… very egotistical). A man (or woman) does not have to be SOOOO confident to be truly loved, everyone is capable of loving toward when facing you, only true love is expressed when the other is not exactly looking at you & if they’re flirting in your presence, they will go further 9 times out of 10 when you’re not looking. Love is accommodating. If you tell your wife, girlfriend, lover that screw driver (he) or she’s poking in your rib hurts, love & consideration for your COMFORT will MAKE HER REMOVE IT & if she doesn’t THAT should tell you a lot about (1) her maturity (2) her self value compared to you (3) the way she feel about you. Talk to your wife, dont divorce her, dont return the evil for evil by flirting with others, that will really crush you because you know its wrong so dont become a lesser man by “paying her back”. Now concerning a girlfriend, you may want to consider a future with someone else because after you marry someone like this she will only get worse after marriage “IF” she’s (1) not mature & (2) see more of your imperfection & gets disgusted with yours, while ignoring her own……. People learn how to choose a real wife, STUDY that like you study a book……… For A capable wife, read Poverbs 31, i mean read it, read it. These things i’ve wrote works for me,
take care merrell
Flirting is not cheating if there is an agreement beforehand that it is okay. My wife flirts with other men from time to time, but we have a special (one-way) open relationship. She occasionally dates other men for her own personal pleasure, whereas I remain totally loyal and faithful. This works for us, no matter how odd others may find it. I know some women are attracted to “bad boys”. So, too, are some men attracted to “bad girls,” although I wouldn’t consider my wife all that “bad”, just a little naughty from time to time. She shares all of the initmate moments she has with her boyfriends with me. It’s an honest relationship we have and we are very happy with it. Her female friends know about this arrangement and are mostly envious.
Rod responds to Ed: Thanks for your letter. You are correct, your “arrangement” quite unusual, and my including your letter and my response, does not endorse your behavior, but allows readers to see how some couples choose to conduct their intimate affairs. You tell me this works for you, and I have no reason to disbelieve you. I am not sure this unusual arrangement will be enduringly acceptable to each of you.
[...] You can read the rest of this blog post by going to the original source, here [...]
[...] You can read the rest of this blog post by going to the original source, here [...]
You are kinda screwed man if you married someone like this! I just broke up with someone that is JUST LIKE THIS! You just can’t win man, because if they knew better or was as loyal as you wanted you would not be having this problem in the first place so the fact that she is doing this even though you ASKED her not to and you don’t like it and because she is NOT responding to that, it is WRONG! I don’t care what anyone says, what if you did it to her? But in this case she just plain does not care about your feelings, she is being selfish and is not acting like she is in a relationship let alone a marriage, IT IS WRONG AND UNFAIR OF HER TO DO THIS TO YOU. BUT you are married so people are trying to be nice, not break up a “happy” home or marriage, but if you were dating they would say “Hit the road and find someone else” because the fact is IT ONLY GETS WORSE! When someone does this to you is a betrayal, it is wrong, you are not doing anything wrong! If your girlfriend or “wife” cannot be with you or make you feel good at parties even if you ask her then there is something very wrong, you are not on the same level or same emotionally, if she really loved you she would aologize and CONTROL HERSELF without you having to ask or get hurt or feel the way you do THAT IS LOVE! For someone to make excuses, “be friendly” that is 1000% BS MAN! Don’t let anyone tell you different, normally most people will find someone else because it ONLY GETS WORSE NOT BETTER otherwise she would not do this to you in the first place and would ALREADY be acting appropriately.
Now don’t get me wrong there is nothing wrong with HEALTHY APPROPRIATE FLIRTING this is normal, in the USA we don’t make our women wear all black and hide everything but their eyes! But still if the “lady” is flirting to the point where you feel ignored, neglected, jealous and hurt and you have asked her not to but she still does it THAT IS BAD NEWS AND WRONG MAN! ALSO NOT GOING to the party with her is WORSE she will do it MORE! For me I was so in love with her I overlooked it but it got worse and worse until finally I had enough and broke up with her just before this Christmas and New Years, YUP! I KNOW that sucks and hurts but you know what? I AM GLAD I DID IT because better now then later when it is too deep and too late. THE WHOLE POINT OF BEING IN A RELATIONSHIP IS TO BE LOVED AND FEEL LOVED not jealous or hurt and by your own wife or girlfriend??? PLEASE! Everyone told me that I should have broken up long ago and they were right I should have instead of waiting right before Christmas and New Years great that was TOTALLY RUINED.
But I already have a new and better girlfriend one that does NOT do those INAPPROPRIATE THINGS AND TREATS ME THE WAY I TREAT HER AND WOULD LIKE TO BE TREATED WITH RESPECT LOVE AND COMPASSION! You should not be arguing with her she should care enough to control herself what she is doing is WRONG. But again your situation is hard and there is no easy answer because you are MARRIED. You can pretend or “TRY” not to get hurt but you will and it will get worse too watch…she will do it more and more and take it to worse levels and you will get more and more mad that is how it goes with people like this they are VERY SELFISH AND INCONSIDERATE AND DO NOT CONSIDER YOUR FEELINGS THAT IS WRONG AND NOT WHAT A MARRIAGE OR RELATIONSHIP IS ABOUT so depending on how much this bothers you there is no easy answer or solution…sorry man….
I think people need to find someone that fits and suits most of their needs or it is doomed to fail and won’t last, true not one woman will be EVERYTHING you want or need just like no one man will be but part of LOVE and a RELATIONSHIP is to try to be what the other person wants or work on it at least…I honestly think we as men and women are totally screwed up in modern times, all values, morals have gone out the door, anything goes, no one needs anything no one needs a man no one needs a woman, everyone is so independent and strong, it is all messed up man and we have very little chance of ever finding the right one. Things today are not like how it was for our Parents I think we are totally screwed either way…the best we can hope for is to find someone that kinda sort fits most of some of what we like and does not piss us off or annoy us forever!
I am actually very jealous of couples that KNOW how to be a couple at parties and yet can still flirt or be social in an APPROPRIATE WAY and still not offend or ignore or hurt their boyfriend or husband. YES THERE ARE VERY REAL AND EASY WAYS TO BE A COUPLE AND STILL BE SOCIAL AT PARTIES so don’t let the woman lie to you or make excuses. It ONLY GETS WORSE when she is not considerate of your feelings so she is being inappropriate and selfish so you got some real serious problems. There is no way of fixing it or anything, if you don’t go to the parties she will get mad at you and it will be more arguments, and even if she goes she will flirt even MORE because you are not there while you are sitting at home WONDERING WHAT SHE IS DOING, that is even worse. The thing is with someone that acts this way you are pretty much screwed man…SO yeah I see couples that act like a couple at parties and that is hard to find…I wish you luck….
watch your language, please…….. Rod
My girlfriend does this. Everywhere we go she flirts with all the guys and it makes her look loose. (Edited by Rod)
My wife of eight years has always been flirtatous but open about it and in front of me. If the flirtation is inappropriate I tell her that I don’t like it. In the beginning she would say “oh I didn’t know” and stop doing it for a while. Later, in our relationship when she would place her hand on a guys arm or chest or thigh (if sitting) to talk, again I would let her know that I thought that behavior was inappropriate and disrespectful to me. Her replies changed to “Oh you’re just too jealous”. Now when I found her “I miss you too” string of e-mails and 100 hidden phone calls and confront her with them and ask “if it’s just platonic why do you hang up when I come in the room and make phone calls at 4am” her answer was “because you are too jealous and I knew you would be mad”. I may be naive but I honestly believe she has not cheated (physically), but the anger actually caused a lot of trouble (legally, finacially and socially).
I completely agree with those who think flirting while married is inappropriate. Flirting is not mere friendliness. It may be an attempt at manipulating you through jealousy. Whatever the reason, it always sends this message: “I’m finding this person sexually attractive.” If it is not possible for a married person “to have fun” without being sexual with someone else, then the flirt is either immature or doesn’t share the same values as the uncomfortable spouse. It is humiliating to have a spouse flirt, especially right in front of you, especially if that same spouse otherwise expresses disgust or distaste for the same behavior when done by others. Since flirting is almost always accompanied by innuendo, suggestion, touching, lots of eyelash batting, sexual allusion, and odd-sounding inappropriate talk, it usually irritates and annoys the other spouse if it does not anger them. My wife never admits to doing it and I’ve stopped accusing her and taken up action–instead of vain and jealous finger-wagging. I’ve told her my feelings, and now I leave abruptly, refuse to go places, invite her to go alone, and generally do not cooperate in my own torture and hanging. My way of dealing with it now is simply to avoid it and those situations where it arises, and if it begins to arise in other new situations, too, I’ll probably just leave the marriage. After all, I’ve recognized that I’m not living the life I want since it includes her humiliating flirting. I’ve experienced looks from the men that said, “I’m confused. Your wife flirts like this in front of you?”
Those whose advice to you is, “You are a wet blanket. Don’t rain on her parade; let her flirt,” are obviously clueless to how a passionate, loving person can feel degraded and hurt by the continual sexual flirting of the person they love. If these advice-givers would like their girlfriends and wives to experiment with sex, by all means they can have at it! For me it means that you have married someone who doesn’t share your values and doesn’t respect your feelings.